The Amory Wars II #1
Grimm Fairy Tales Presents Beyond Wonderland #0
Booster Gold #10
DC/Wildstorm: Dreamwar #1-3
Mythos: Captain America #1
What If This Was The Fantastic Four? (Hero Initiative: Mike Wieringo#1)
I'm full of piss and vinegar tonight, and this week's reviews are a big ball of hate...
The Amory Wars II #1 (Image, $2.99) This is what would have happened in 1992 if Jim Lee and his writing partners had read too much Frank Herbert instead of Chris Claremont. This comic is the reason I didn't do this column last week. I'd pick it up on the toilet, read one of the nine character/location introduction scenarios in 22 pages, and be stricken with ennui of a cosmic nature. There is so very much going on here that I cannot bring myself to care about in the slightest. There are aliens, angels, mutants, rebels-- lots of kewl bad-asses with Liefeld guns and pointy things sticking out of them to make with the jabbin'. I shit you not, there is a guy who forms weapons with his arm. Reading a comic so filled with portent and lamestain so far beyond its sell-by date hurts on so many levels, not the least of which being that I bought virtually every Image release for the first couple years. Goddamn pre-orders! But hey, the art doesn't suck, so I recommend this to people who really, really miss CrossGen and the days when rock "stars" like Coheed and Cambria rated tie-in comics.
Beyond Wonderland #0 (Zenescope, $.99) The good news is I got five more pages of "Adventures of Sinbad" than were feature in his preview book. That's a good looking story that reads well. The bad news is there's a total of 12 pages of Sinbad story and ads, while the cover featured preview got only 9, and all of six comic pages. The worse news is four of them are devoted to an "ominous dream sequence" followed by the startled awakening and trip to the bathroom. Translation: Fuck-all of interest. There are two faux diary pages, hand written on lined paper, providing a recounting of a previous mini-series featuring whatsername that makes with the nightmares. Way to not leave any favorable impression whatsoever.
Booster Gold #10 (DC, $2.99) What fresh hell is this? Booster Gold the best comic of this lot? The one that was wall-to-wall exposition, excepting the "Wrath of Khan" riffing? I suppose if you must by one comic in which Cable vomits worms this month, it could be this one... or you could perhaps save the $3 for extensive psychiatric sessions with Lucy Van Pelt.
DC/WS: Dreamwar #1-3 (Wildstorm, $2.99) As with the comic above, this was an obligatory purchase for later review on my Martian Manhunter blog. Remember years back when fanboys got pissed about Wizard Magazine crowning the Authority the greatest super-hero team, because of their willingness to fight dirty? The only point I can find to this numbingly vague mini-series at the halfway point is to agree with them. Which them? I dunno. It's vague, I told you. Basically, all the big DC super-teams of various eras are trying to kill all the big Wildstorm super-teams, with mixed results. People are dying, so you know none of this matters, even to the degree these things don't particularly matter to begin with. I can finally declare unequivocally that the book is garbage, though, since it swipes that scene from Frank Miller's "Ronin" that everybody swipes, and Miller himself probably swiped from the Japanese. Except the person stabbing another person through their own body wasn't in a position for the maneuver to be necessary, or even functional. Bonus: Unclear art with its own storytelling handicaps. File the series under "WTF?"
Mythos: Captain America #1 (Marvel, $3.99) Fuck me! Four bucks for a twenty-three page origin recap? Did I pay an extra dollar for a cardstock cover? Son of a bitch! And wasn't there supposed to be some great new insight or something? Isn't Paul Jenkins' whole shtick to get all writerly and find new wrinkles that enrich the character? I guess he got the bullshit "poignant" ending down, except for the part where it was supposed to be affecting. Was it the bland painted art I paid extra for? That's the only difference I can see between this and one of the old DC Secret Files & Origins lead stories that reminded me of that time with Bruce Wayne in th alley with the pearls and the shooting. Anybody who bought those things was there for the Who's Who profile pages, so my ass is raw about now.
What If This Was The Fantastic Four: A Tribute To Mike Wieringo (Marvel, $4.99) My money went to a good cause, and it would be in very poor taste to criticize a book intended to celebrate a gifted artist who died far too young. The pages Mike finished were nice, and most of the artists who contribute additional story pages are excellent. That said, some ain't. Furthermore, I hope the story was retooled for the project, or that one of the artists botched it and alterations had to be made. The Mini Marvels one-page gag strip by Chris Giarrusso seemed better thought out. Funny as that was, my biggest laugh was unintentional-- in an text piece, Chuck Wojtkiewicz has his last name spelled correctly, but his first was rendered "Chuk." Twice. I'm going to go burn in Hell now...
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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