Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Wednesday Is For Turkey Stuffing For All I Care #164

Cyber Force #1 (2012)
Michael Turner's Soulfire Primer
Star Trek: The Next Generation - Hive #1
The Walking Dead: Michonne Special #1

Cyber Force #1 (Image, 2012, Free)
Comic book fans collectively donated $117,000 so that Top Cow could "give away" the first issue of a Cyberforce revival that retailers still paid something like 30¢ for to keep them from ordering one million copies each (shipping costs may apply.) I don't know why people would give up so much of their hard earned money to float other people's free ride, but I must say, a result like this lends credit to the Tea Party fighting any and all government subsidies. Seriously, reading this comic makes me want to not read any more free comics from Top Cow, much less paid ones. When the original series came out, Marc Silvestri was at the height of his artistic powers, and the book itself featured the highest production values of its time, but was still just a shitty rip-off of Jim Lee's shitty rip-off of the X-Men, WildC.A.T.s. Where Lee had the good sense to lay off his high school writing buddy and eventually hire fucking Alan Moore, Cyberforce is still just a Jim Cameron flavored Champions campaign run amok as crafted by the usual Top Cow band of idiots. Khoi Pham does a decent Silvestri imitation, but his visual storytelling is so unclear that you need those Bronze Age captions to explain the action in a given panel. The design aesthetic is rob-crustacian with a hint of steampunk, the overused tropes are tripe, and the two person narrative captions make me want to punch an amputee. This reboot needs to go away fast and never be spoken of again, just like the decision to help fund it instead of making a charitable donation or paying a record price for a record-setting baseball right before the record gets broken again. See, even Todd McFarlane's dated hubris is more interesting than this comic.

Michael Turner's Soulfire Primer Aspen, 2012, $1.00
I got this book in the summer, finally read most of it in the fall, but still managed to forget to review it until near winter. I hate Aspen comics more than those of any other company I can think of. They're just watered down modern fantasy crap written by sub-literate Southern Californians illustrated by clones of the late Michael Turner's shitty ass rubber people art style. There's even an Aryan boy messiah in this fucker. If you can make it through the badly edited reprints of pages from volume I with lots of new expository captions, and I couldn't without weeks long breaks, there's also an overly detailed text synopsis of volumes II and III to plow through. It's like listening to a teenage girl charting the goings-on of her high school's love lives.

Star Trek TNG: Hive #1 (IDW, 2012, $3.99)
This is one of those books you damn with faint praise. The art is bad, but at least it's freehand, so it's not full of blank-eyed photoreference zombies. The story pivots on a key moment in Next Generation continuity, but it's one that's been done to death, and the first issue barely conveys enough of the plot to whet your appetite. If you're a fan, you'll be relieved by its mediocrity in the face of probable rancidity, but all others steer clear.

The Walking Dead: Michonne Special (Image, 2012, $2.99)
A friend of mine still subscribes to Playboy Magazine, so I was lucky enough to read the six page Michonne origin story that gets reprinted here months back. I still like it, especially because Darryl Dixon has filled much of Michonne's role in the comics on the TV show, but this tale emphasizes their differences now that she's transitioned to live action. Michonne's an intelligent career woman traumatized into adapting to the horror of existence in this world, where the zombie apocalypse gave Darryl the opportunity to mean something based solely on basic hunting skills and an ability to follow orders. The origin transitions smoothly into the reprint of Michonne's first appearance, which unsurprisingly, does not read all that well outside the context of a trade paperback. It does however remind you that the third season of the TV show has so far been better than the source comics, which was not true before now.

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