Rambo: A Frank Review

I vaguely remember seeing "First Blood" on basic television as a kid in the early 80's-- mostly some cat & mouse games in the forest and the big emotional breakdown in the finale. I vaguely remember seeing "First Blood Part II" on cable in the mid-80's. The hot Asian girl getting killed bummed me out. The exploding arrows and his stupid speech to the Russians made a sort of impression. I favored Chuck Norris in the 'Namsploitation arena and Ah-nold in the greased up badass category back then. I vaguely remember seeing "Rambo III" at the movie theater-- mostly because it was the first time I recall seeing "red mist" in a film.

I will never forget 2008's "Rambo." Of the tens of thousands of movies I've seen, it ranks among the most ecstatically violent of them all. I'd say 80% or more of this film is devoted to scenes of absolute carnage and mayhem of the highest order. "Rambo" makes up for every crappy grindhouse film that failed to live up to its promise. An equal opportunity offender, male and female, young and old, all must feed the bone machine. While there is rape and sexual humiliation, rest assured, it is in no way titillating. This film is all about the horrors of war, by which I mean action porn with only the slightest measure of socially redeeming motivation to absolve the pure massacre onscreen. There are some breasts, but again take comfort that their appearances are brief and no point drooping from the sixty-something chest of Sly. This film has no time for even the comparative tenderness of non-consensual sodomy when it could be liquefying the human form with a mechanized onslaught. The only penetration on Rambo’s mind is an arrow through the face, preferably leading to a body then hitting a landmine. Rambo is the patron saint of Overkill, hallowed by his grunt. In fact, "Rambo" has got to be about the manliest movie I've ever seen, and truly deserves a place beside THE GREAT FILMS alongside CITIZEN KANE, SUNSET BOULEVARD, and JACKASS NUMBER TWO. An absolute must see, while still in theatrical release, for anyone who has ever borne or longed for testicles.