Illusion On-Demand's Top 20 Villains

According to Wikipedia, "Illusion On-Demand is an American VOD Video On Demand cable TV network focused on science fiction and fantasy programming. Illusion launched nationally in October 2007 with a special Halloween lineup. The regular programming consists of 21 shows and content blocks" I'd never heard of it, but while killing time checking out free programs on my cable box, I stumbled upon a 21 minute program counting down the "network's" top comic book bad guys. The production values were YouTube low, mostly static images (pulled directly off sites like Comic Vine and Wikipedia) with generic screen script and extremely repetitive bland (Creative Commons?) rawk music playing. Then, cut to a chubby middle-aged guy in a nondescript, poorly lit room talking noise. Oh wait-- that's Spider-Man writer Dan Slott. My bad. I bothered to check because I recognized the guy who followed him in the brief pathetic improvisational explicating upon the individual malcontents. Anyway, this sort of thing is how I gets me kicks, so here's their(?) picks...

20. The Kingpin (presented by Dan Slott)
19. P'Gell (presented by Jimmy Palmiotti)
18. Bullseye (presented by Dan Slott)
17. Poison Ivy (presented by Afua Richardson)
16. Doctor Octopus (presented by Justin Gray and Dan Slott)
15. Skrulls (presented by Dan Slott)
14. Two-Face (presented by Dan Slott and Jimmy Palmiotti)
13. Venom (presented by Sonya Paz and Afua Richardson)
12. Sentinels (presented by Jimmy Palmiotti and Dan Slott)
11. Catwoman (presented by Afua Richardson and Amanda Conner)
10. Green Goblin (presented by Sonya Paz)
09. Red Skull (presented by Jimmy Palmiotti and Dan Slott)
08. Dark Phoenix (presented by Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner)
07. Darkseid (presented by Jimmy Palmiotti)
06. Nazis (presented by Amanda Conner, Jimmy Palmiotti and Dan Slott)
05. Magneto (presented by Afua Richardson)
04. Doctor Doom (presented by Justin Gray, Jimmy Palmiotti and some redhead)
03. Galactus (presented by Jimmy Palmiotti, Dan Slott, and Arthur Suydam)
02. Lex Luthor (presented by Dan Slott, Afua Richardson and some redhead)
01. Joker (presented by Amanda Conner, Afua Richardson, Sonya Paz, Justin Gray, and Jimmy Palmiotti)

Well... that was dull and amateurish.

Comic Reader Résumé: Fall-Winter, 1982

ré·su·mé [rez-oo-mey, rez-oo-mey]
noun
1. a summing up; summary.
2. a brief written account of personal, educational, and professional qualifications and experience, as that prepared by an applicant for a job.

In 1982, a standard size comic new off the rack cost sixty cents. Meanwhile, I could buy loose back issues at the local flea market for a quarter or less each. Even in my youth, I appreciated value for the dollar. This helps to explain why I took much of the rest of 1982 off as a newsstand collector. In September, it took Masters of the Universe #1 to get me to pay full cover again, and it pretty much immediately put me off. I'd been buying the toys, so I was surprised when Skeletor appeared to die from catching He-Man's sword in the chest after a Superman team-up in DC Comics Presents. When this #1 seemed to open with an epilogue, and declared Skeletor totally alive, I felt cheated. Alfredo Alcala did a fine job livening up George Tuska's pencils, but to a kid there was something oddly icky about Alcala. I couldn't articulate it then, but he had a 70s Eurocentric vibe that, when applied to half naked barbarians, made me feel squicky. I guess you could call it an early bout of homophobia, although I should point out that I came to love Alcala later on horror titles. Anyway, the book felt misaligned with the mini-comics packaged with the figures, and came across as a Conan wannabe even from my far less critical formative perspective. The story by Paul Kupperberg did not hold my attention, and in fact Kupperberg would disappoint me so often in my youth that it was a revelation when I connected the dots years later. "The blotting Kleenex-- the eyelash curlers, the exfoliating stone-- a single father... of course dad was a transvestite!" I skipped October and November.



Now December was a banner month, though. When I saw that blood trailing down Black Cat's arm in Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #76, I had to have it. I'd read one other Black Cat comic, but I had that bonding through familiarity that only children and the mentally disabled can produce with such ferocity. Unlike the Skeletor tease, Felicia really was stabbed, smooshed, and slashed all to hell by the arms of Doctor Octopus and the forces of the Owl (yes, the Owl had forces back then.) Also, this all happened while she was in bondage wearing a skintight outfit with deep cleavage. In another contrast with He-Man, this was probably my first pass at sadomasochistic pulp exploitation, which I was perfectly alright with. There was even some great melodrama as Peter tries to pass a college final in a daze while thinking about his girlfriend in critical condition. Whatever his faults as a plagiarist, Bill Mantlo could write circles around Kupperburg's functionality. Jim Mooney was also an inspired embellisher over the often stiff Al Milgrom, giving him fluidity, softening the edges, adding romance, and yes, sex appeal. Milgrom was great with conveying emotions, though. I haven't read the story in decades, but I remember it so vividly that I don't really need to.



Then there's DC Comics Presents #55, which I don't remember so well. I'm not really sure why I bought this one. I liked Superman, and he appeared to be crushed to death in a two page spread, but it was a fake-out. I think I'd seen Parasite in a coloring book, or just thought he looked cool. I would have a nostalgia for Air Wave from then on, but of the "oh, hey... Air Wave... huh" variety. Horrible costume, dorky powers, thin connection to Hal Jordan... blech. I think there was a villainous train conductor riding a mini flying choo-choo in this, and I know the original Air Wave wore roller skates that let him ride on top of telephone/power lines. That's something, of some sort. I never really warmed to Bob Rozakis (or much of DC's writing pool at the time,) and Alex Saviuk was sort of my personal Paul Kupperburg of art.



Finally, there was another awesome The Brave and the Bold, #196. That title was a perfect gateway drug, with a generation's Batman writer & artist using him to introduce all manner of DC irregulars to new readers. So of course DC canceled it four issues later for a garbage X-Men knock-off, the loathsome Outsiders. My affection for this take on Ragman outlived that for Black Cat, probably because there still aren't many humanist slumland five & dime super-heroes running around. Turning him into a wimpy Spectre with a minority angle to trot out on Hanukkah was less than inspired. As with the Spider-Man, what sticks with me are images like Vietnam vet Rory Regan standing at a sink, unable to wash the blood off his hands, or his father's drunken group of friends being slowly electrocuted. The identity switches were novel, and Jim Aparo drew the Caped Crusader with an unparalleled grace. Bob Haney scripts were always a gas, but this one resonated in a way specific to a guy probably aware that his writing days were almost done, giving his all on the way out the door. That is a striking cover as well on a childhood favorite.

Comic Reader Résumé: Spring-Summer, 1982

ré·su·mé [rez-oo-mey, rez-oo-mey]
noun
1. a summing up; summary.
2. a brief written account of personal, educational, and professional qualifications and experience, as that prepared by an applicant for a job.

March, 1982 was a decidedly off month for me. My copy of Conan the Barbarian #135 by Steven Grant, Mark Silvestri & Josef Rubinstein came out of a grocery store three pack purchased by my father four or five years after publication. I probably bought The Saga of Swamp Thing #2, but only because I was a sucker for photo covers, and that might have just come out of a cheapie bin as late as 1989. I have no recollection of either story.



I definitely picked The Warlord #58-61, because I was really into Mike Grell's riff on The Man in the Iron Mask. I'm just as confident I bought them a year or two after the fact at the flea market, and that I could never force myself to read the Arion back-ups.



By comparison, April of 1982 was boffo. DC Comics Presents #47 came home with me because it was the first Masters of the Universe comic book tie-in, and I was totally into He-Man at the time. Paul Kupperberg's story was okay, I guess, but I totally hated the art by Curt Swan and Mike DeCarlo. I could have sworn Skeletor was killed when He-Man threw his sword into the villain's chest, so I was confused when he turned back up again in another comic. When Conan stabbed somebody, they tended to stay dead. I always found super-heroes mingling with licensed properties weird, and I was somehow savvy enough even then to recognize instances like this where it occurred. I have absolutely no memory of the back-up, "Whatever Happened to Sandy the Golden Boy?"



The Rose and the Thorn had an origin recap in The Brave and the Bold #188, and the multiple personality disorder feminist angle tripped out my unsophisticated brain. The cover and interiors by Jim Aparo were striking, and writer Robert Kanigher had me hooked with the title, "A Grave as Wide as the World." The Nemesis back-up by Cary Burkett and Dan Spiegle was less impressive, as I found the art ugly and a disservice to the reservedly cool look of Nemesis, sort of a Steve McQueen type.



I recall looking through a buddy's copy of Marvel Fanfare #3 with the sweet Michael Golden art, which was likely my introduction to Ka-Zar and the Savage Land. I also really dug my pal's Avengers #221 because of the novel voting ballot cover to select two new team members. I distinctly recall reading Avengers #222 at the beauty salon where my grandmother got her hair done. The team of Jim Shooter, Steven Grant, Greg LaRocque & Brett Breeding did a fine job by my standards, as I retained a soft spot for Masters of Evil Moonstone and Tiger Shark for years. I especially thought Whirlwind was cool, aside from the dippy helmet, because he could deal so much damage while protected by his tornado. Egghead was the odd man out, a wimpy scientist amongst scary villains.



I guess I was a bimonthly reader. I don't believe I bought anything in May, except perhaps the second part of the Rose & Thorn team-up in The Brave and the Bold #189. Just as likely, I fished it out of a back issue box years later. It had nazis, who were pretty ubiquitous thanks to Raiders of the Lost Ark, but it didn't not stick to my brain like the first part.



You would think a kid set loose for the summer would be all over comic books, but these were pretty much dead months to me. In June, I only picked up Weird War Tales #115, around the time the Creature Commandos feature merged with G.I. Robot. Robert Kanigher and Fred Carrillo crafted the affecting tale "You Can't Pin a Medal on a Robot," which impressed me with its stoicism and depressed me with its pathos. Those poor disabled soldiers, fighting for countries that dubbed them freaks and sent them off on suicide missions.



My one new comic for July was Batman Annual #8, which I pulled off a spinner rack at Gemco. I was fascinated by "The Messiah of the Crimson Sun" by Mike W. Barr and Trevor Von Eeden. I had never seen art or coloring like that before, the latter provided by Lynn Varley of eventual The Dark Knight Returns fame. It was beautiful, striking, and had scope of apocalyptic magnitude, up to and including the appearance of a Christlike figure. It was my first Rā's al Ghūl story, who remains one of my favorite villains, Batman or otherwise. Of course, any time I read a Rā's story of less grandeur or with art inferior to the high standards set here, I feel the creators are just plain doing it wrong. I still have my original copy, sans cover and some early pages, plus a complete reading copy. This was the first "graphic novel" I ever read in terms of feel and quality, despite it simply being an annual. Has DC ever collected all the '80s Barr Ra's stories in a trade paperback? I'd much prefer to see something like this in a hardcover than the umpteenth repackaging of Alan Moore stories. I guess that I was so bowled over, I skipped August entirely.

Death's Head Resolicitation (August, 1991)

Literally on the back of the torn out page of Advance Comics with the Mutant Genesis Ad was this solicit for what ended up being the first Death's Head II mini-series. I believe the same little sketch, presumably by Liam Sharpe, was in the original solicit. Because the image was so small and the lines so fragile, I decided to take the scan as is. The yellow highlight was for books I was interested in ordering, and the green for those that got purchased. I was so anal in those days, I read the goddamned thing cover to cover. I'd been a fan of Death's Head since he appeared in a comic strip on the back of Dragon's Claws, the first Marvel UK series I followed.

Mutant Genesis Ad (August, 1991)

I've been digging through my boxes of loose crap lately, and figured it was time to revive Smelly Brown Paper (Scans of Yore) as a more regular feature. This piece seems especially appropriate, since my original is literally smelly, brown, and, um, yorey. Good thing there's digital contrasting to clean it up. This ad was torn out of an issue of Advance Comics after I realized that I didn't want to keep hauling ten years worth of two different retailer catalogs from place to place and recycled that shit. It was used to promote the launch of Chris Claremont, Jim Lee and Scott William's X-Men #1, as well as the new art team of Whilce Portacio and Art Thibert on Uncanny X-Men. For some reason, I clipped out the part of the ad with the X-Men credits, so I trimmed out the Uncanny ones from the scan. Claremont of course was drummed off both books, and I don't think that either of these line-ups ever came into being. I ran a check for this art online, and couldn't find it, but please drop a comment if you can direct me to better scans (re: any.)

Comic Reader Résumé: February, 1982

ré·su·mé [rez-oo-mey, rez-oo-mey]
noun
1. a summing up; summary.
2. a brief written account of personal, educational, and professional qualifications and experience, as that prepared by an applicant for a job.

February, 1982 was my second month of collecting new comics off the newsstand. I claimed to have bought an entirely new selection for this round, but I have vague recollections of having owned The Brave and the Bold #186, in which Batman teamed-up with Hawkman against the Fadeaway Man. I liked all but one of these characters, so it's possible I bought it new, but the memory is so vague that I can't be sure. I doubt the story by Dan Mishkin and Gary Cohn left much of an impression, although the lame villain couldn't have helped. The only thing that really sticks with me are flashes of Jim Aparo panels, which likely would have been enough to bring me back for more.



While I vividly remember a great many of these books from DC in-house ads and as purchases years later, my actual, factual, confirmed purchases of this month were fairly slight. I still have my copy of The New Teen Titans #19, which was likely never swiped from me by neighborhood kids because it only just barely rates as a comic book anymore. The pages are so brown they qualify as a separate ethnic group in the U.S. census, and scraps of torn pages lie sideways with the intact portions bound by polybag. This may have been my introduction to a team that has stuck with me much of my reading life, and almost certainly my introduction to Marv Wolfman and George Perez (outside spot cover illustrations from the latter.) It's a fantastic looking book, especially Perez's Hawkman, in part due to the artist clearly providing much tighter pencils to resist the wet blanket that is Romeo Tanghal finishes. The story, involving Hindu gods, weirded me out as a kid, especially their rather graphic destruction in the end.



My other new comic of the month, out the same week, was The Saga of Swamp Thing #1 by Martin Pasko and Tom Yeates. I can't honestly state what possessed me to do so. It had a swell cover, and Tom Yeates was a really appealing artist, but the story by Martin Pasko and the heavy atmosphere was way over my head. This would not be the last time Swamp Thing would do this to me, because my only sweet spot with the character was reprints of the early '70s Wein/Wrightson stories. I tried Alan Moore too early at first, then too late as an adult, when his innovations had become tropes. There was also a Phantom Stranger back-up by Bruce Jones and Dan Spiegle. I'd already been introduced to the Stranger through a Jim Aparo Brave and the Bold, but this creepy yarn was a whole other matter. While the story of a black minister fleecing his own people stuck with me, I never really warmed to Spiegel's art elsewhere.



One more maybe before I sign off on this month, Super Goof #69. I know I owned at least one issue of this series, and though I thought it had him battling the Beagle Boys, the character featured here strikes me as reasonable facsimile to facilitate confusion. Funny animals were rarely my bag.

Comic Reader Résumé: January, 1982

I don't believe I'll ever know for sure exactly when I became a comic book fan, most likely because I had a comic collecting uncle in the house in the early years of my life. I had plenty of stuff that stayed in print throughout the '70s, like Power Records and several Whitman coloring books (Captain America, Superman: "World without Water!" I saw Superman: The Motion Picture in the theater, and I can't recall there ever being a time when comic books weren't around. They were certainly always on my short list for purchases at garage sales and flea markets, as well. However, while working on a project, I visited the justifiably named Mike's Amazing World of DC Comics to take advantage of his "Time Machine." Mike took it upon himself to begin offering a chronological listing of every DC book by actual and cover dated availability. What's more, he's recently expanded his Amazing Worlds to include Marvel, Gold Key, and Charlton comics, with all of their assorted monthly titles available on a virtual "newsstand." This has allowed me to determine ground zero for the beginning of my collecting new comics by schlepping down to the 7-11 with my own pocket change: January, 1982.



I can't say for certain that I bought the given issues upon their release, and I'm not sure Mike's dates are ironclad, either. That said, there's a very good chance my first brand new purchase was The Amazing Spider-Man #227 by Roger Stern, John Romita, Jr. and Jim Mooney. It was a fun Black Cat story, and while Mooney's inks weren't choice, it was still a good looking book. I still have my original copy stewing in a polybag, the brown pages surely acidic as all hell and unrestrained by a cover or the first/last pages.

According to Mike, my second comic would be The Flash #308. It was kind of a neat story by the usually swell and highly underrated Cary Bates where the Scarlet Speedster's battle with a mummy was paralleled by some children at play. It may be heretical, but if there's one classic artist I never developed an appreciation for, it's Carmine Infantino. I hate his stuff to this day, as well as many of the people he influenced. However, the reason I bought the book was the embellishment of Dennis Jensen, who did a magnificent job of making Infantino look pretty. Yet, I suspect that despite the solid plot and inks, this would also be the beginning of a lifelong dislike of super speed characters. I could never get into Runs-Fast-Man, in any costume or at any company. The Dr. Fate back-up strip by Martin Pasko, Keith Giffen and Larry Mahlstedt makes a liar out of me, because I could have sworn my introduction to the character was through the Super Powers Collection. I have no recollection of this story, except perhaps the vaguest impression of a half splash to start it off.



Since the Flash was undated, I can't be positive The Brave and the Bold #185 was my third comic. I parted company with the first book quickly, but that Batman, Robin and Green Arrow team-up was in my comic pile next to my grandmother's couch for years. I'd already been turned on to the O'Neill/Adams stuff, and after that Rich Buckler cover, I found the interiors by Adrian Gonzales and Mike DeCarlo quite disappointing. Gonzales mostly stuck to Arak and war comics, which helps explain why your first question was probably "who the hell is Adrian Gonzales?" Writer Don Karr had an even less impressive record, and his story probably helped drive me toward Marvel Comics for most of the '80s. It was just one of the overwhelming majority of Penguin stories that are underwhelming, involving giant bird cages and Ollie not getting his eyes clawed out, damn it.

I suspect that I had a copy of Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew #2, but my memory is too hazy to comment, if that was in fact the case. Not too bad of a month for my first as a certified collector, but not enough to make my bona fides, since I didn't stick with any of them going into February. That's a tale for another time, though.

How about yourself, dear reader? Any memories from your first month of collecting comics, or January, 1982 specifically?

Captain America Trailer (2011)

I'm currently watching Twin Peaks on DVD, and I have come to realize that between the first and second seasons, FBI Special Agent Dale Coopers goes from a brilliant Holmesian detective to a clueless tool of supernatural forces. Regardless, I continue to enjoy and respect the character, because actor Kyle MacLachlan brought such a unique energy and enthusiasm to the role. Had any other actor played Cooper, it would have been a completely different and likely diminished character.

Captain America is like Dale Cooper. Spider-Man is an everyman that can be pretty well personified by a wide assortment of nebbishy actors, and Batman stars the suit unless the actor gets in its way (Mr. Clooney.) With Superman, you can cast a "type" and pretty much be okay. Lacking real super-powers or a costume that translates to live action, yet being expected to command the actions of demigods and adoration of crowds, you need an actor with serious presence to pull off Captain America.

All the advance press on the new Captain America movie has shown Chris Evans, without the benefit of his Johnny Storm sarcasm, being "worn" by his underwhelming, anachronistic costume. Despite an impressive physique, Evans is just swimming inside this get-up and drowning in unmet expectations. Whereas every new piece of film validates Chris Hemsworth as rising to the challenge of playing Thor in a film that seems to hit the exact right notes, my expectations of Captain America keep sinking lower and lower.

The trailer shows the special effects guys have done a fine job of making Evans look like a 4F weakling, but then he pulls this steady Miley Cyrus duck face, and they stick him in some blatant CGI super-soldier pod with an '80s anime look. I don't care if we still don't have super-soldier pods in 2011-- I want a super soldier pod that at least has a 1940s aesthetic to buy into the fantasy. Put some fins on that bitch or something.

The pod opens and its like, "hot damn, that guy is ready for Chippendale's." Then he starts talking, and I'm again reminded that the vessel might have been enlarged, but the soul hasn't. Chris Evans is still just a dude in a bulky, awkward costume. He lifts that shield like a man-purse, and I'm like "whoa, you grab that chain like it was a direct line to the boredom center of my brain." It gave me a flashback to Tim Roth pumped up with the super-soldier serum in The Incredible Hulk. I saw that a year or so ago, and was like "Mr. Orange is rocking the grenade launching acrobatics like he's on an invisible jungle gym! I hope the Captain America movie can top this." Chris Evans isn't rocking anything. He's sort of playing hopscotch by himself on the lonely end of the sidewalk. He's cowering behind a shield while a limey skirt fires on him for giggles.

Any one of the ladies in Sucker Punch has bigger balls that Chris Evans, and Dum-Dum Dugan in the background of that one shot has more presence. The Captain America trailer is a half-minute history of World War II flying fail.

The Top Ten Steel Covers (John Henry Irons Edition)

John Henry Irons was introduced during the bestselling "Reign of the Supermen" epic. In and of itself, that was enough to make the character just about the most highly visible hero of color in DC Comics history. Unfortunately, he was then written as such-- the good negro Tom Robinson of the lily white Superman Family. Steel was branded with an S-Shield, given his own terrible token series, and was dutifully included in all crossovers for years thereafter. The salvation of the character came in the strength of his original concept as a working class armored hero, his glorious design, and a late term creative team change that redeemed the Steel series with just over a year's worth of compelling stories.

After his series' cancellation, John Henry Irons became a co-star/regular supporting character in Superman: The Man of Steel, which emphasized his engineering genius. Steel's presence was also a highlight of the Morrison/Porter JLA's second half, especially his infamous conversion of the Watchtower headquarters into a virtual armor, prompting the hilarious declaration "I am now wearing this building!" Unfortunately, Irons "retired" as a super-hero around the time The Man of Steel was canceled and the JLA pared down. This left Irons and his one consistent supporting character, precocious niece Natasha, to drift through one title after another.

Attempts to employ the Irons pair in recent years have left much to be desired. Natasha made use of her own Steel armor for a time, then acquired super powers from Lex Luthor, prompting the involvement of John Henry in an inevitable confrontation. The pair were part of the painfully misguided Infinity, Inc. reboot, and Steel once again played substitute Superman during the World of New Krypton hubbub. The essential appeal, and perhaps even a basic understand of the Steel premise, continues to elude writers. The further out the world gets from "Reign of the Superman," the less likely it seems Steel will ever fully come into his own, and I find that a terrible shame.

10) Superman: The Man of Steel #117 (October, 2001)

I was really up-in-arms about the apparent death of Steel, but he returned in the same storyline. However he was briefly burdened with an excessively powerful new armor built by Darkseid out of an Imperiex shell. I think it was called the Entropy Aegis, and I know it totally missed the point of John Henry Irons, but the cover was cool.

9) Steel #41 (August, 1997)

Racially charged much?

8) 52 #8 (June 28,2006)

I love a good propaganda poster!

7) Steel #34 (January, 1997)

After three years of increasingly bad stories and art, DC finally began to treat Steel as more than crossover fodder before the release of his motion picture. Unfortunately, from what I've heard, the movie was about as bad as the comic had been. It's a shame, because DC's premier black super-hero finally began to be shepherded by actual black creators, with writer Christopher Priest turning in probably the best scripts of his distinguished career.

6) Superman: The Man of Steel #26 (October, 1993)

Not recognizing the full implications of the moniker, I declared "Iron John" my favorite of the Supermen, and the most likely to embody the soul of the Man of Steel. If any of the Supermen could stand beside "the real steel deal," it was John Henry. Plus, no one ever drew Steel quite as well as co-creator Jon Bogdanove.

5) Steel #45 (December, 1997)

Into a comics world where it was often up to the colorist to assign race, Steel was undeniably a black man, even when covered head to toe in armor.

4) Steel #23 (January, 1996)

This was such a powerful image that the forgettable story within is doubly disappointing.

3) Steel #3 (April, 1994)

Friggin' awesome perspective! You're going to be eating that hammer if you don't move out of his way.

2) Steel #37 (April, 1997)

This one is quite literally iconic, with most of the image consisting of silhouettes and high contrast head shots. I love how the DC bullet has been turned into another gear in Steel's (or is it Dr. Villain's?) machine.

1) Superman: The Man of Steel #22 (June, 1993)


This one is a bit of a cheat, as there's technically three covers (regular, deluxe exterior, and deluxe interior.) Regardless, they're all cool, and this is the first full Steel story, which made me an instant fan.

Honorable Mentions:
52 #14 What's with all the black male heroes being stripped down to bare chests?
Action Comics #807 (The Natasha bot gets a lovely cover.)
Hardware #17 (Similar concepts with wildly divergent characterizations played off one another.)
Steel #1 (Too static to rate inclusion.)

When Captain America Slings His Shitty Casting Short List

I've been a comic book fan since the Carter Administration, so I've seen more than my fair share of bad comic book movies, especially from Marvel. Though it's increasingly just a bad memory, Marvel movies were 'round about uniformly terrible cheapies until Blade, with Incredible
Hulk television specials being among the high water marks. Nowhere near that level were the two 1970s Captain America TV movies, and the 80s "theatrical" film stunk so bad it never even played in its native country. However, the previous decade raised the bar in a major way, with highly respected actors and directors assuming the roles of Marvel's greatest heroes in blockbuster (and not so much) features. Among their most iconic remains my personal favorite, the Sentinel of Liberty himself, so of course only the most respected actor could fill his cavalier boots on the silver screen. You know, like goddamned Matthew McConaughey.

Can I get a "what the fuck?" After a decade in which Robert Downey Jr., Ed Norton, Wesley Snipes, Ben Affleck, Christian Bale, and other luminaries have taken up super-heroic guises, why does Captain America persistently get the shitty end of the stick? How can a filmmaker have been found who gets a barely-A-list character like Iron Man so right he becomes an international sensation after nearly fifty middling years, but we can't scrounge up someone who understands Cap at the most basic level?

Director Joe Johnston still doesn't impress, and he appears to be looking to the worst possible candidates to cast as the Living Legend of World War II. Let me offer up some pointers:

• Steve Rogers was born in 1920s New York, where he grew up during the Great Depression a sickly child with an unemployed alcoholic father. His mother died young after devoting her life to supporting the entire family, and her husband had already passed of consumption before her. Rogers was 6'2", but he weighed about 98lbs. He carried on through his intellect and force of will. Rogers was so determined to fight the Nazis, even before the U.S. entered WWII, that he took suicidal risks to prove himself in the Super Soldier program.
• After becoming Captain America, Steve played a goofball ne'r do well in the Army while secretly going AWOL to battle the forces of tyranny.
• Cap would have to have a commanding voice and inspire the utmost respect to lead both the Invaders and, when sequel time comes, the Avengers.

Taking all that into account, why are the auditions for the role of Captain America populated by pretty young California surfer dudes and nigh-middle aged sitcom stars?

Yahoo News and Comic Book Resources have both recently commented on Jackson's short list for the role. It's pretty much shit. Let's take a look:

• Chase Crawford

Associated Words: Boring. Dandy. Forced. Emo.

• Mike Vogel

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Eric Balfour & Mike Vogel Interview | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

Associated Words: Dude.

• Michael Cassidy

Associated Words: Deep nasal voice. Skinny. Stiff. Slightly effete. CW.

• Patrick Flueger

Associated Words: Dumb. Skinny. Gnarly.

• John Krasinski

Associated Words: Average. Round. Oldish. Lame. GTFO.

• Wilson Bethel

Associated Words: Soft. Skinny. Blank.

• Garrett Hedlund

Associated Words: Attitudinal. Emo. Skinny. Unfortunate hair.

Thankfully, there are a few not embarrassing options. Longshots, of course, but here are the best of the lot...

• Jensen Ackles

Associated Words: Ruggedish. Fake accent. Committed. Jared isn't an option, why?

• Ryan McPartlin

Associated Words: Captain Awesome. Good body. Really tall. Funny. Oldish. Voice that could command a Norse god?

• Scott Porter

Associated Words: Genuine fan. Enthusiastic. Good voice and body. Young. Range.

SFX Magazine's 50 Greatest Superheroes Poll

Billed as the Earth's greatest science fiction magazine, what SFX really proves is that the British have no more goddamned taste than the rest of us. I will be rude and piggy, so do gird your loins for homomisogynanglophobia.

• 50: She-Hulk Whom I like, but not so sure about "top 50 like."
• 49: Cyclops Who I never liked, but respect. Ish.
• 48: Elektra Who has not been relevant since about 1989.
• 47: Hawkman Who I still kind of like, but whom the continuity bugfuckery and constant alterations have damned near ruined. Some more.
• 46: Iceman Who is fucking Iceman, the lamest Amazing Friend, because at least Firestar kept her snatch in the front.
• 45: Midnighter Who is a queer bondage fiend Batman analogue/Warren Ellis Mary Sue.
• 44: Colossus Who never had "it," but is an alright sort.
• 43: Madrox Who has come a damned long way from the Fallen Angels, let me tell you.
• 42: Northstar a.k.a. gay Namor. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
• 41: The Question Who was exemplary in every Vic Sage incarnation. The dyke doesn't do it for me, but at least she's representing, so even she rates inclusion.
• 40: Emma Frost Wow, a generic femme fatale with a common mutie power. Here's a fuck you from me to Morrison.
• 39: Marvelman/Miracleman: Yeah, okay. You guys are limeys. I get that.
• 38: Scarlet Witch is a fucking mess. When she isn't a whiny, indecisive tittybaby she's a crazy murderous bitch. But hey, she's still twice as useful as Zatanna in most situations.
• 37: Spawn Look, he's an African-American super-hero whose sold millions of comics, is owned by his creator, with an enormous toy line, a cartoon, and a movie. Please forgive the spikes, chains, guns, and maudlin wheel spinning.
• 36: The Punisher Who is Mack Bolan in drag, but fuck it. He's O.G.
• 35: The Spirit Who I try to regard, but it never quite comes.
• 34: The Silver Surfer Who works much better as an icon than a character, but at least that's happening.
• 33: Captain America Who is too low, because he was socking Hitler in the yap while you ungrateful snaggletoothed motherfuckers were sucking on jerry bombs.
• 32: V Because once again, you people eat blood pudding.
• 31: Doctor Manhattan Who signals friggin' Rorschach is imminent. Get off Moore's jock, would you?
• 30: Zenith Who needs to be re-reprinted, so I can make my own judgment.
• 29: Doctor Strange Because he's the pimp, and you people just don't know.
• 28: Morpheus Who is a fine storytelling device, but no great shakes as a character.
• 27: The Tick Who is just Ambush Bug marketed correctly, but I shouldn't be hatin'.
• 26: John Constantine Who really is the tits.
• 25: The Thing Who is too high, but belongs hereabouts.
• 24: The Vision Who is random as hell, but a'ight.
• 23: Kitty Pryde My first comic book crush, so don't you say nothing about my sweetie.
• 22: Hawkeye Who despite tons of effort on DC's part, is still a better character than Green Arrow.
• 21: Rogue Who I never cared about, but I acknowledge her widespread appeal. Also, I'd love to spread Anna Paquin wide, so there's that.
• 20: Rorschach I knew it! Eat more penis, you bloody bastards! You've already got the Question, prats!
• 19: Nightcrawler Is in the top 20, because you don't know what hole to shit out of. I like Kurt, but he belongs in She-Hulk territory.
• 18: Beast Mutie-loving commie liberal pinko sonsofbitches.
• 17: Gambit I'm going to blow everyone's mind and confess I still kind of think Gambit is okay, and doesn't deserve all the shit thrown his way. Now move to the back of the bus, Cajun.
• 16: Green Arrow You can't have two archers in the top 50, and since Ollie Queen stole his personality from Clint Barton, I tend to make mine Marvel. Also, Judd Winick never wrote Hawkeye.
• 15: The Flash Who officially has the most boring super-power in my personal estimation. Written correctly, none should compare, which means he's never written correctly. Runsfastman FTL.
• 14: Wonder Woman Speaking of poor writing... but I live the Amazing Amazon, inconsistencies and idiocies inclusive. Top 10 would have been nice.
• 13: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Who never wowed me, and grates after the WW slight, but has earned her spot.
• 12: Thor Who is a dude with a hammer, and excepting John Henry, that's always a torture scenario for me. Power by meh.
• 11: Hellboy Who is basically the Thing fighting more monstrous monsters. It's all on Mignola.
• 10: Hulk Who smashes, from what I understand.
• 9: Daredevil For a poor man's Spider-Man, he's really done good over the years. A triumph of craft over concept, though his origin was always decent.
• 8: Deadpool The single most creatively bankrupt character of all time. I burn with hatred for this idiot. I wish a hairy mole on all who voted for him.
• 7: Captain Britain
BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!! I don't care about Alans Moore and Davis, this guy was always our little prank on you people. I'm not current on the exchange rate-- how many pence exactly does it take to equal a clue?
• 6: Green Lantern As a concept, and whilst on a career high, I'll begrudgingly accept this. In Hal Jordan's name? A raspberry, good sir!
• 5: Iron Man
One of my best pal's favorites, and I love Robert Downey Jr. That's all I've got to give with this old heart of mine.
• 4: Wolverine
One of my favorites... when I was 9. I grew up and out of my aggression issues. Could some more of you?
• 3: Superman
Sometimes works for me, and is sometimes near the top of my shit list. I'm surprised he still plays so well across the pond.
• 2: Spider-Man is someone I liked and got over before Wolverine. He's a classic, with wide appeal, which explains my apathy.
• 1: Batman is to the British as David Hasselhoff is to the Germans-- they love him! The numbingly obvious choice.

My question: where is your national pride, UK? Judge Dredd? Strontium Dog? Dan Dare? Nemesis the Warlock? Marshal Law? Why hath you been forsaken?

2000 Warner Bros. Studio Store Exclusive JLA Mug

Photo by Pekita Trotamundos


This embossed coffee mug was bought for me as a present from the late, great WB Store. It has stored loose change and/or pens ever since. For the record, only the figures are raised, not the JLA logo, but this is some of the most pronounced embossing I've ever felt. Very lumpy, at various degrees, that could almost be measured to a centimeter at the most extreme points.

Photo by Pekita Trotamundos


Art appears to be by Eduardo Barreto, who was pretty much the Martian Manhunter artist of the '90s when it came to any type of merchandising. Pictured left-to-right, top-to-bottom: Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern Kyle Rayner, Wonder Woman, the Flash (presumably Wally West,) Batman, Superman and Golden Mullet Aquaman.

Photo by Pekita Trotamundos

Chuck Patton

Francis Chuck Patton is an African-American former comic book artist best known for a stint on Justice League of America. More specifically, he is closely associated with the period in which the team relocated to Detroit, MI and became staffed with new, multicultural super-heroes. With Gerry Conway, Patton created Gypsy and Vibe, as well as redesigning Vixen and Steel: The Indestructible Man.

Patton got his start at DC Comics in the April, 1983 cover-dated The Flash #320, beginning a brief run of Creeper back-up stories. This was followed by art for Green Lantern, The Brave and the Bold, and Green Arrow before landing his permanent assignment on JLofA. However, Patton left his creations within their first year, taking on sporadic jobs on The Vigilante, Who's Who, The Omega Men, Teen Titans, Legion of Super-Heroes, Blue Beetle, Secret Origins, the Outsiders, Action Comics Weekly and DC Challenge. Patton also tried his fortunes at other companies with DNAgents, Daredevil, X-Men and The Official Handbook Of The Marvel Universe. He was considered to replace Todd McFarlane on The Incredible Hulk, but turned the offer down when he was asking to emulate the outgoing artist's style.

As with his JLD partner Gerry Conway, Patton became disillusioned with comics and moved into children's television animation. His credits include Dinosaucers, G.I. Joe, Captain N & the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas, and Teen Titans. More recently, he has turned to directing, on such projects as Dead Space: Downfall and Spawn, for which he won an Emmy award for Outstanding Animated Program.

Chuck Patton's legacy in comics seems to consist mostly of Justice League Detroit and well-regarded serial pairing Nightwing and Speedy. The image above is a self-portait of Patton, circa 1985, and heavily embellished by inker Mike DeCarlo. One imagines that had Patton inked himself, he might have more closely resembled another of his creations, Dale Gunn. Like Marv Wolfman's proxy Terry Long, who married a super-heroine, I suspect we now have the answer to why Gun had both Vixen and Zatanna vying for his attentions...



Further Reading: One-on-One with Spawn Director Chuck Patton

Amazing Heroes #202: Aborted Titans/Nightwing Plans (June, 1992)

I read Comic Book Legends Revealed #195 today, which discussed plans for the abortive 1992 Nightwing/Starfire mini-series by Art Thibert and Pamela Winesette, under the editorship of Jonathan Peterson, and with the full blessing of Marv Wolfman. The column also linked to a selection of articles at Titans Tower in which Thibert was interviewed about the proposed mini. I was a big fan of the changes Peterson made during his time editing the Titans books, and was very disappointed at the massive turnaround that occurred with his departure. I'm especially annoyed by how Nightwing was turned into a poor man's Daredevil by Chuck Dixon, Devin Grayson, and others.

I was struck however by discrepancies in these accounts when compared to a report in June 1992's "Newsline Extra: DC's 1992/1993 Projects" article from Amazing Heroes #202. Below is their coverage, as well as the above rare promotional image, which I've never seen anywhere else...

The Great Comic Book Heroes: Captain Marvel & The Spirit

"The problem with other superheroes was that the most convenient way of becoming one had already been taken. Superman was from another planet. One of the self-denigrating laws of all science fiction is that every other planet is better than ours... Superman had all other planets tied up legally. Those one or two superheroes who defied the ban were taken apart by lawyers (nothing as super as a writ)... The answer, then, rested with science... The Shield... Steel Sterling... Captain America... the Human Torch... And not only science... flying men, webbed men, robot men, ghost men, minuscule men, flexible-sized men -- men of all shapes and costume blackening the comic-book skies like locusts in drag..."

"Understandably, this Pandora's box of men-of-steel was viewed gravely by Superman... The most savage reprisals in comic books were, just as in revolutions, saved not for one's enemies but for one's own kind. If, for a moment, Superman may be described as the Lenin of superheroes, Captain Marvel must be his Trotsky." Jules Feiffer continued by describing the Shazam cast as "A Disneyland of happy violence," with Dr. Sivana singled out as "uncannily" resembling Donald Duck. "The Captain himself came out dumber than the average superhero -- or perhaps less was expected of him. A friendly fullback of a fellow with apple cheeks and dimples, he could be imagined being a buddy rather than a hero, an overgrown boy who chased villains as if they were squirrels. A perfect fantasy figure for, say, Charlie Brown." Feiffer took issue with the magic word "Shazam," a damned thing which worked for none of Captain Marvel's readership as it did for Billy Batson. "I had a vague feeling Captain Marvel was making fun of me. More and more of his adventures took on the tone of parodies... I was not prepared for frivolousness on the part of my superheroes!" Feiffer couldn't have cared less when Fawcett settled a lawsuit leveled by National, who felt Captain Marvel too resembled their Superman, and took the hero out of the game. His interests had moved on to more brutal but sophisticated fantasies, produced by a creator whose Wonder Man had also fallen prey to very similar litigation.

"Eisner had come to my attention a few years earlier doing a one-shot black-and-white feature called 'Muss "Em Up' Donovan in a comic book with the flop-oriented title of Centaur Funny Pages... Heroes and readers jointly conspired to believe the police were honest, but inept, well-meaning, but dumb -- except for good cops like Donovan,who were vicious. Arraignment was for sissies: a he-man wanted gore... wandered outside the reach of the law, pummeled everyone in sight, killed a slew of people -- and brought honor back to Central City, back to Metropolis, back to Gotham... In those pre-civil-rights days, we thought of that as a happy ending..."

"Will Eisner was an early master of the German expressionist approach in comic books... The underground terror of RKO prison pictures." Eisner had begun at Fiction House with 'Muss "Em Up' Donovan and Hawk of the Seas before moving on to the Quality Comic Group, where he helped create most of their signature features. "He'd draw a few episodes and abandon the characters -- bequeath them to Lou Fine, Reed Crandell, others. No matter. The Quality books bore his look, his layout, his way of telling a story... His high point was The Spirit, a comic-book section created as a Sunday supplement for newspapers..."

"Just as Milton Caniff's characters were identifiable by their perennial WASPish, upper middle-class look, so were Eisner's identifiable by that look of just having got off the boat. The Spirit reeked of lower middle-class: his nose may have turned up, but we all knew he was Jewish... What's more, he had a sense of humor. Very few comic-book characters did... Spirit's violence often turned in on itself, proved nothing, became, simply, an existential exercise... The Spirit could even suffer defeat in the end... Not that he wasn't virile. Much of the Spirit's charm lay in his response to intense physical punishment. Hoodlums could slug him, shoot him, bend pipes over his head. The Spirit merely stuck his tongue in his cheek and beat the crap out of them... I collected Eisners and studied them fastidiously. And I wasn't the only one. Alone among comic-book men, Eisner was a cartoonist other cartoonists swiped from."

The Great Comic Book Heroes is available from publisher Fantagraphics Books and from Amazon.com in either the slim essay-only or original hardcover formats, the latter with copious Golden Age reprints.

Super-Heroes On Gay Marriage

Superman: "I've vowed to protect all the peoples of the Earth, which means I must avoid taking stances on political issues like this. It could compromise my access the world over."

Spider-Man: "Oh man, I so don't want to talk about marriage anymore. Seriously. But look, whatever makes people happy, I say go for it."

Batman: "No. I've heard the whispers-- about what goes on between myself and my boy companion in the Batcave-- for years. Every time some 'artist' tries to appropriate our image for their agenda, I call my lawyers. Whenever I think of them, it reminds me of the times the Joker has touched me inappropriately. It makes me want to smash their faces with my gloved fist."

Nightwing: "I shaved my legs and wore short pants with pointed booties until I turned eighteen. Any hang-ups I had about sexuality, I worked out years ago."

Daredevil: "The precident is pretty clear on this, which explains why judges are now regularly overturning gay marriage bans. The United States should not tolerate second-class status being bestowed upon any of its legal citizens, regardless of sexual preference."

Captain Marvel: *blush* "I-- you mean-- and they-- ? Holy Moley, I've got to go!"

Ghost Rider: "Only the guilty must fear my Penance Stare!"

Green Arrow: "You fundamentalists and the rest of you sex police are no better than Darkseid!"

The Hulk: "Hulk say people are people! Why can't people life in harmony?!? Why can't people leave Hulk alone!?! Hulk smash all people!!!"

Hawkman: "Filthy humans and your deviant practices! It's unclean, and spreads disease amongst your kind!"

Wolverine: "Ain't my business, one way or the other. Your's neither. Let 'em be, eh?"

Wonder Woman: "My Amazon nation of Themyscira is often referred to as 'Paradise Island.' There is a reason for that. Also, when I first came to Man's World, I read all of your Judeo-Christan-Islamic Bibles. There were no derogative mentions of lesbianism, and far fewer condemnations of male homosexuality than of the still common practices of eating pork and committing adultery. Suffering Sappho, why can't people just respect one another in this modern age!"

Iron Man: "If they want to be as miserable as the married couples I know, that's their problem, not mine. I've got real issues to deal with, like superhuman registration, directing S.H.I.E.L.D., the 50 State Initiative, and a Skrull invasion."

The Flash: "I'm from the Midwest. We don't believe in all that liberal nonsense. I've worked alongside and fought against gays, so I don't deny the lifestyle, but Christian marriage is between a man and woman. It's a simple fact."

The Thing: "Y'know, we all talked about that stuff at the H.Q., and we all figger it's no big deal. Reed yacked about all that anthropological yadda-yadda, an' Sue n' Johnny both get all their fashion tips from the light-in-the-loafer types. What's the harm?"

Green Lantern: "I've visited more planets than I can count, and been exposed to about as many different cultures. It's hard to get bent out of shape over Proposition 8 when you're serving the laws of the Guardians of the Universe."

The Punisher: "I saw my wife and children gunned down in front of me. I've spent decades since ridding the world of scum in their memory. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I don't want to see some chic queer meth-heads turning it into a joke."

Aquaman: "I can name sixteen fish and four amphibians, including salmon, that practice homosexuality. It's natural. Your certificates mean nothing."

The Mighty Thor: Verily, thine gods in Asgard wish her people to make the womb fruitful. Thou shouldst not be as fuðflogi nor flannfluga, but produce offspring who wouldst till the soil. Still, should a man find needs unfulfilled whilst away from womenfolk in battle, he may satisfy the call of his loins with a lesser male. 'Tis preferable thou dost not become sansorðinn, as it dost not befit the warrior!"

John Constantine: "What, did Thatcher drop a bastard child in the States and name her Coulter on the way back 'cross the pond? Why should anyone care if some bloke up another wants to make like husband and wife?"

Captain America: "It's a common misperception that I'm some sort of nationalist, fighting for the interests of one political party or another. People also forget I'm a New Yorker who lived through Prohibition. I even grew up with a gay childhood friend, though I didn't find that out for years after. I've sworn to the Uniformed Services Oath, which means I'm willing to give my life to support and defend the ideals of the Constitution signed by our Founding Fathers in 1776. Based on it, the Bill of Rights, and the spirit behind their creation, I can't imagine their intention was ever to restrict the freedom of our nation's citizens. If consenting adults are willing to enter into the union of marriage, regardless of gender, I'm perfectly willing to defend their choice to do so."

Super-Hero Feast

The ...nurgh... has a lifelong love of the super-heroes, but addressing that adoration can become a bit random at times. This index will thus be a nearly all-inclusive look at posts related to comic books! Check these subdivisions to optimize our geekitude:

The Unofficial Obscure Character Handbook of the Multiverse
Abel Carmody (DC)
Ace Harlem (All-Negro)
Baron Death (DC)
The Book of Fate (DC)
John Henry (DC "Silver Age")
Kishana Lewis (DC)
Lion Man (All-Negro)
Martika (DC)
Mr. Gargoyle (DC)
Madam Fatal (Quality)
Muhammad X (DC)
Pierce (DC)
The Wonder Man (Fox)
Wyldheart (DC)

The Super-Hero Books:
(The many discussions of comic books appearing in proper books.)
"A": Things I learned from "The Superhero Book"
Amazing Heroes #202: Aborted Titans/Nightwing Plans (June, 1992)
"B": Things I learned from "The Superhero Book"
Chuck Patton Profile
The Comic Book Heroes: The First History of Modern Comic Books from the Silver Age to the Present
The Comic Book Heroes: The Marvel Age of Comics
The Comic Book Heroes: "The Other Guys"
The Comic Book Heroes: The Return of the Heroes
"C": Things I learned from "The Superhero Book"
"D," "E" & "F": Things I Learned from "The Superhero Book"
"G" & "H": Things I Learned from "The Superhero Book"
The Great Comic Book Heroes (2003 Edition) by Jules Feiffer
The Great Comic Book Heroes: Batman, Fox & Fiction House
The Great Comic Book Heroes: Captain Marvel & The Spirit
The Great Comic Book Heroes: Superman
The Rehabilitation of Eel O'Brian by Don Thompson
The Yellow Peril & the Yellow Claw!

Four-Color Philosophy:
Baby's First Comic Book Writing Principle
The Obligation of Renovation
The Bane of Multiversalism
The Absence of Origin
The Delano Theory of Seminal Integrity in Super-Heroic Fiction
Secret Origins Matter (or How Hawkman Got His Wings!)

Political Musings in Metropolis:
The Grand Old JLA
Justice Liberals of America
The Super-Hero Registration Act and the Common Good
Super-Heroes On Gay Marriage
Superman Red State/Superman Blue State
The Two American Avengers

The Trouble With Super-Heroes:
(Even beings with powers far beyond those of mortal men can be boring if they're not handled correctly.)
The Trouble With Aquaman
The Trouble With Nightwing
The Trouble With Wonder Woman

Leftovers
NEW CAP! Like New Coke, but shinier...
Huntress/The Question: Conquest '52
Defending "John Henry" in "New Frontier"
Conquest '07: Huntress vs. Black Canary & Co.
Why I Don't Hate Iron Man
FLD's State of the Marvel Universe Address for 2008
Ms. Empowered
Matthew McConaughey as Captain America? F*** NAW!
Ineffectual Video Commentary
Jordan League of America
Whatever Happened to the Negro League?
San Diego ComiCon 2008 Analysis
Sexual Harassment @ ComiCon
Virgin Sacrifice
Empire Magazine's 50 Greatest Comic Book Characters

More ...nurgh... Indexes for when Super-Heroes come to feast...
Comic Box Trot Index: Lengthy Synopses of Interesting Issues
The Dirty Trader Index!: Paperback Reviews
Smelly Brown Paper (Scans of Yore): From the pages of your favorite periodicals come ads and miscellanea.
Wednesday Is Any Day For All I Care: Another damned comic book review column.

Current as of 4/4/09

ReVampirella Rejected!

A few weeks back, I posted my submission for the Project Rooftop/Harris Comics: Vampirella ReVamp Contest. Now, I had some sour grapes when my entry to Shadowline's "WHO WANTS TO CREATE A SUPER-HERONIE" (sic) competition failed to pass muster.This was mainly due to my having little-to-no desire to read books others suggested. At least one of those has been so solicited. Didn't order it. Phooey.

Anyhow, no such issues with Vampirella. I waited until literally hours before the end of the contest to get started, and hacked mine out. What I came up with was far removed from the general notion I had regarding a more Barbarella-flavored approach. The art style I used wasn't right for what I wanted to accomplish, and the execution was sloppy. My drawing was too dark and grim where, with a time machine, I'd shoot for playful. My effort was piss poor, and didn't rate mention beyond this blog.

Meanwhile, Grand Prize winner Ralph Niese had a much more fun approach, reminiscent of the early days of the 60's "mod" Wonder Woman era where she had no single uniform, but a definite vibe. I haven't bought a Vampirella comic book since the Morrison/Millar/Connor team of what, the late 90's? For Niese, I'd have to throw down for a trade paperback, at least. My only complaint is I hate the feral form, but solely on principle, not execution. I don't like Vampi drinking human blood, either, so that's all personal preference, not a market liability.

Anyhow, 18 runner-ups can be found at Project Rooftop. I admittedly like some better than others, but every single one was superior in art and coloring to mine. I must say though, I'm shocked not a one came close to my initial idea for this project: Tatted-Up Suicide Girl Vampi. It seemed so obvious, I immediately steered clear of it on the assumption there'd be dozens offered. Maybe there were and they were cancelled each other out?

ReVampirella

Contest Announcement: Vampirella ReVamp!


Project Rooftop announced a contest to revamp Vampirella recently, and I of course piddly-farted around until the very last minute. I knocked this out in two hours, with the end result far removed from what I had in mind when I started. I initially wanted something close to Barbarella, the French science-fantasy comic strip and Jane Fonda movie that inspired Vampi's creation in the '60s. I never quite understood the logic of making Vampi more generic by removing her sci-fi origins in favor of her being just another blood-sucking vampire from Hell. Oh well, maybe next time. Certainly I'll try a more clean style next time, as when I tried to color this in Paint, it actually looked worse than it does here (after I broke out the map pencils double quick.) Given my druthers, I'd start from scratch, but no time for that now. Deadline is up either right now, a half hour ago, or an hour 1/2 ahead (damned time zones.) This explains my late post this evening. Now you know why I write more than I draw, eh? But at least the poor dear has something resembling clothing on. Shame about the damned trenchcoat, but I realized I was subconsciously ripping off Milla Jovovich's half-jacket in "Ultraviolet" while referencing an actual still for the drawing. D'oh! Additional reference included a picture of a lovely black model named Yasmine Taylor from the Summer 1999 issue of "Perfect 10" magazine (the first I picked up and tossed through for a pose,) several pictues of the actress Mathilda May, and a lot of Vampi pieces. Proof positive plentiful reference will never replace actual talent, damn it!

Empire's 50 Greatest Comic Book Characters

In my continued spoilage of these overlong list columns, I now present Empire Magazine Online's 50 Greatest Comic Book Characters. For those unfamiliar, Empire has been the film magazine of choice of the U.K. since about 1989, and their list is decidedly Brit-centric. I'd say it's also eccentric, and doubt there was a large pool of authorities gathered in compiling this list. Still, it's more interesting than the usual Wizard crap, even if they somehow not only let Venom on the list, but ranked him just above Dr. Strange. Shite! On the other hand, notables like Usagi Yojimbo, Cerebus, and the Tick deserve more attention like this.

50) Spawn
49) Captain Haddock
48) Harvey Pekar
47) Apollo and Midnighter
46) J. Jonah Jameson
45) Deadpool
44) Jenny Sparks
43) Astro Boy
42) The Saint of Killers
41) Green Lantern
40) Scott Pilgrim
39) The Mekon
38) Cerebus the Aardvark
37)Daredevil
36) Agent Graves
35) Hellboy
34) Dr. Strange
33) Venom
32) Lex Luthor
31) Usagi Yojimbo
30) Emma Frost, the White Queen
29) Swamp Thing
28) The Tick
27) Johnny Alpha of Strontium Dog
26) Violent Marv (Sin City)
25) Dr. Doom
24) Deena Pilgrim (Powers)
23) Obelix (Asterix)
22) Hunter Rose (Grendel)
21) Captain America
20) Wonder Woman
19) The Punisher
18) Halo Jones
17) Iron Man
16) Rorschach
15) Death of The Endless
14) The Incredible Hulk
13) Vladek Spiegelman (Maus)
12) Spider Jerusalem
11) Jesse Custer (Preacher)
10) The Thing
09) Magneto
08) The Joker
07) Judge Dredd
06) Morpheus/Dream of The Endless
05) Spider-Man
04) Wolverine
03) John Constantine (Hellblazer)
02) Batman
01) Superman