Showing posts with label The Trouble With Super-Heroes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Trouble With Super-Heroes. Show all posts

Friday, November 7, 2008

Justice Liberals of America



Long months ago, I gave my opinions on the political affiliations of The Avengers and The Man of Steel. I even speculated on the The Grand Old JLA, then blew off bothering with my own party until now. I haven't read "Decisions", but I figure I can still spot the members of the Justice League of America who helped carry Obama to victory a few days back...

Green Arrow (Oliver Queen & Connor Hawke) & Red Arrow (Roy Harper): Duh.

Black Canary (Dinah Lance): A left-leaning feminist moderate, partly through association.

Green Lantern (John Stewart and Kyle Rayner): A former black militant and a freelance artist with as many gay friends as straight? Duh duh.

Batman (Bruce Wayne): One of those scary, fascistic Democrats that gives Rush Limbaugh night terrors. The Joker is the new Willie Horton. Batman has devoted his life to combating amoral capitalists, while himself a liberal elitist with deep pockets. In favor of gun control, counciling over imprisonment, welfare programs, and has occasionally even taken over the media through hi-tech means.

Wonder Woman: A Hillary Clinton "It Takes a Village" type, perfectly willing to send the troops after WMDs, then personally investigate issues with child support payments for her low-income friends. The most inclusionistic leader of the JLA in history, without regard to race, creed, color, gender identity, power level, general lameness or planet of origin.

Aquaman (Orin/Arthur Curry): An unpopular reformer amongst his people, with some viewing him as a criminal and outsider. Victim of religious persecution from dangerous fundamentalists. Married outside his dimension, adopted a boy who turned to sorcery, soft on crime, and constantly struggles to keep his citizens and military from instigating conflict with neighbors.

Martian Manhunter (J'Onn J'Onzz): An admitted Communist, the second and longest-term inclusionist JLA leader, opposed to the death penalty in even the worst cases, and constantly at odds with conservatives Hawkman, Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Captain Atom and Triumph.

Zatanna Zatara: A stage magician and member of the Detroit-based Justice League who practiced tantric magic with John Constantine. Didn't she shoot one of those "Don't Vote" viral videos with Shirley MacLaine and Tom Cruise?

Mister Miracle (Scott Free): After decades spent on Apokolips, you couldn't really call him a liberal. He's most concerned with the happiness of himself and those nearest to him, but even still, he can't rest easily when others are not as free as himself. A moderate.

Rocket Red 4 (Dimitri Pushkin): Was communist loving freedoms of assignment in Land of Opportunity! What a country!

Fire (Beatriz da Costa): You know she's a Hugo Chavez fan, right?

Ice (Tora Olafsdotter): Environmentalist. Animal right activist. Bleeding heart.

Blue Jay (Jay Abrams): Ditto, though I'd say less concerned about PETA than GLAAD.

Animal Man (Buddy Baker): As above, but less a bleeding heart.

Lightray (Sollis): He's from New Genesis. They're all about the Great Society.

General Glory (Joseph Jones): A New Deal/Yellow Dog Democrat, not unlike the Marvel Comics model.

The Flash (Jay Garrick): See above, without the Marvel aside. Slightly more metropolitan that Barry and Wally, don'cha know? Contrasts Alan Scott's conservativism.

Tasmanian Devil (Hugh Dawkins): An Australian poof. He'd damned well better be a liberal.

Crimson Fox (Vivian and Constance d'Aramis): French. Need I elaborate?

Nuklon (Albert Rothstein): He took a hard right turn for a bit there, but he's still a nice Jewish boy who spent most of his time in the JLA with Fire and Obsidian.

Obsidian (Todd Rice): An unsteady Dem, as he was raised by Midwestern sociopaths, but finally stopped being so emo and came out of the closet.

Amazing Man (Will Everett, III): Like Will Everett II didn't march and have a picture of Kennedy and/or Johnson on his wall?

Blue Devil (Daniel Cassidy): He's one of those "Hollywood" types. Not counting Jon Voight and Kelsey Grammer.

Icemaiden (Sigrid Nansen): A Norwegian lesbian with a thing for Fire. Do the math.

Plastic Man (Patrick "Eel" O'Brien): A reformed thief whose best pal/sidekick is also a reformed thief, and who had a child out of wedlock. Hoover must have been dyspeptic.

Moon Maiden (Laura Klein): Such a product of '60s Camelot, how could she not?

Ambush Bug (Irwin Schwab): A "Boll Weevil."

Black Lightning (Jefferson Pierce): Though part of the Luthor Administration, still a tireless social reformer focused on equal opportunity through education.

Geo-Force (Prince Brion Markov): Self-righteous Euro-twat.

See also: Steel (John Henry Irons,) Hippolyta

I have to say, the republican list was more surprising, and of a higher quality. Maybe it's about historically uptight DC skewing right wing?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Trouble With Wonder Woman



So my dork isolationist rant about the SDCC earned me a temporary traffic bump via a When Fangirls Attack link. That surely won't last, as I enjoy calling the Silver Age Wonder Woman a useless cunt far too much. However, a fellow link fed into my love/hate relationship with the Amazing Amazon, Ten Reasons No One Cares About Wonder Woman. I offer a rebuttal.

  1. Writer Alicia Ashby believes that Wonder Woman's exposed legs, which once represented athleticism, are now just an excuse for Ed Benes' Wonder Thong ass cleavage. I couldn't agree more. Yeah, I've seen too many pictures from this year's Olympic women's volleyball and gymnastics teams to dismiss the look as completely impractical and sexist-- but still kinda, right? My thought is that most women who want to dress like Wonder Woman for Halloween while the fellas are rockin' Spidey and Bat costumes add to the suit. Skirts, capes-- if our national dress-like-a-whore day celebration has little room for the heroine's comic book costume, something has gone terribly wrong here. Finally, Wonder Woman's look is just too busy for my taste. There are too many colors running through her general appearance, and all that exposed flesh just becomes another awkward addition to that overwhelming combination. The multi-colored knee pads and such sometimes added in the comics don't help.
  2. Ashby feels there are no great Wonder Woman stories to introduce her to new readers comparable to "Dark Knight Returns" or "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" Well jeez, why not throw in "Maus" or "Watchmen" as well? Batman and Superman have appeared in some of the greatest super-hero comic stories ever told, because DC has treated them as their most important properties for three-quarters of a century. There are few comic book heroes who have a "Killing Joke" under their belt. Meanwhile, Wonder Woman has been treated like three day old fish for most of her publishing history, and is still a national treasure recognized the world over. Seriously, I wasted most of my weekend pouring over foreign reprint covers online for an unrelated project, and Wonder Woman was everywhere, like the Brian Bolland British piece running above. This is why DC has finally begun to push the character with the same fervor as licensors have for decades, and why she rates in a "Trinity." I'd recommend any of the following stories, most available in trade paperback:

    • "Diana Prince: Wonder Woman" Volumes 1-3 by Mike Sekowsky, Denny O'Neil & Dick Giordano
      A lot of people are critical of these stories, but compared to the Superman comics of the day, they're the bee's knees. After years as a lovestruck weakling fool, Wonder Woman starts earning the name, even without her powers or traditional costume.
    • "Wonder Woman: Gods and Mortals" by George Pérez, Greg Potter & Len Wein
      Do I like that Paradise Island was turned into a low-tech shelter for immortal rape victims? No, but it made for a heavy story worthy of consideration, especially when placed against the comparatively slight Byrne "Man of Steel." Are we now at the point where George Pérez's incredible art is to be taken for granted?
    • "Wonder Woman: Challenge of the Gods" by George Pérez & Len Wein
      The best Wonder Woman story of the 1980's. Includes the wonderful, text-driven "Time Passages," reflecting on people's initial reaction to a Princess of the Amazons in Man's World. Also, the suspenseful introduction of a dynamic new Cheetah and the titular epic.
    • Wonder Woman #66-71 by William Messner-Loebs and Paris Cullins
      Diana is cast in a "women in prison" movie, which proves an insightful character study of the heroine; while also mixing the mythological, science fantasy, and BDSM favored by Wonder Woman's creator with an exciting modern presentation.
    • Wonder Woman #72-75 by William Messner-Loebs and Lee Moder
      Humorous, humbling and humanistic, these stories serve as an excellent primer to the Wonder Woman mythos, as well as offering her most relatable representation ever.
    • "JLA: A League of One" by Christopher Moeller
      A "back door" fully painted Wonder Woman graphic novel, in which she's forced by fate to battle each of her fellow iconic heroes in turn. Gorgeous and well crafted.
  3. I can't argue with the opinion that "Most Wonder Woman Comics Are Completely Terrible." It is true. I own her entire Post-Crisis run, and reading it has caused me emotional distress. Many of the Pérez illustrated issues suffer from Pérez scripts, which became a full-on blight once he quit art chores. The second half of Messner-Loebs' run read like self-parody, only "enhanced" by the bad girl art. The only thing worse than John Byrne was most of Eric Luke's run. Phil Jimenez made Pérez's writing seem like Alan Moore by comparison. Rucka was at best serviceable, and as always completely derivative, but in this company a highlight. The less said about most of what came before or since, the better (Simone excluded, at least until I read a trade.)
  4. I think that "Charles Moulton" and Harry Peters are an acquired taste, preferably with lots of wine to go with the cheese and crackers.
  5. Personally, I think the Lasso of Truth is a grand conception with a wealth of meaning. I think the main problem with it is the avoidance of bondage and submission references in present tales. Subversive femdom philosophy is at the heart of the character. It is as essential to Wonder Woman as the empowerment fantasy of Superman and the fascistic underpinnings of Batman. Used correctly, it makes a Batarang look like child's play. Speaking of which, weaponized razor sharp tiaras and phallic swords in Wonder Woman's hands are truly, remarkably obtuse.
  6. Hating the Invisible Plane/Jet is hating Wonder Woman, and I will not abide. Allowing Wonder Woman to fly under her own power makes her Superman with tits. Part of the point of the character is that she is meant to carry others with her on her missions. All Aquaman did in all the years Super Friends was on the air was sit in the Invisible Jet while Wonder Woman showed how a super-heroine kicked ass. Girls have hundreds of heroines to choose from who fly like Supergirl, but only one they can imagine themselves as while pretending to pilot an imaginary aircraft. One of the best scenes in "New Frontier" was Diana piloting a jet made partially visible by her own splattered blood! The lack of an Invisible Jet is part of what makes the Lasso of Truth seem stupid, because why rope something when you can just grab it-- exactly like fucking Superman does?!?
  7. Alicia Ashby has varying degrees of merit to her arguments, but virtually none when she proclaims all Wonder Woman foes terrible. On what grounds? She offers none! She just keeps calling them all "lame-asses" and "shit," with no explanation.
    • Cheetah: Ashby offers a scan from an early Cheetah story that plays out almost exactly the same as Sam Raimi/Willem Dafoe's take on Green Goblin from the first "Spider-Man" movie. That seemed to play to the tune of what, $400,000,000? Cheetah was great on the Super Friends and Justice League Unlimited animated series, which ran for years. The Pérez reworking of the villainess was all the better. The fuck?
    • Circe: "doesn’t count - she sucks?" Elaborate some, maybe? A Circe stand-in was used in one of the best JLU episodes! The notion of a sorceress who can turn men into animals and must kill Wonder Woman to insure her immortality is crap for what reason exactly?
    • Dr. Psycho: a misogynistic midget who casts illusions? Fuck you, your homicidal clown, and your Rogaine tragedy-- I want to see Peter Dinklage accept an Oscar for his stunning portrayal in the motion picture! Best. Villain. Ever!
    • Ares/Mars: The God of War! When has the Flash ever fought a God of War?
    • Dr. Cyber: an international queenpin of crime turned hideously disfigured super-scientist out to swap her brain into Wonder Woman's body? Sold!
  8. Everyone does hate Steve Trevor, but for two totally different reasons. Golden Age fans hated him because he was such a little bitch, he just didn't measure up as a love interest or companion. When the Candy Girls pown you, get out. Silver Age fans hated him because Robert Kanigher reversed the dynamic by turning Wonder Woman into his bitch, disparaging the heroine. Modern Age fans don't really know the guy anymore, but he left a vacuum that recast Diana as a frigid ice queen rubbing herself off to Superman's picture every night. Wonder Woman needs a redefined Steve Trevor, or she needs to become a lesbian. This Nemesis shit won't fly any higher than the various other Trevor surrogates over the years, but Diana must have a romantic element within her series.
  9. Wonder Woman needs a supporting cast like Legion of Super-Heroes needs a deboot. It isn't that she hasn't had good prospects in the past, but every incoming writer "shakes things up" by dumping everyone. On the plus side, that means there's been no Jimmy Olsons to deal with, but on the minus side, no Alfred either. Memo to DC-- please reintroduce and remodel the following at your soonest convenience: Queen Hippolyta, Steve Trevor, Etta Candy (fat only,) I-Ching, Tim Trench, Nubia, Donna Troy, Julia & Vanessa Kapatelis, Phillipus, Ed Indelicato, Artemis, Joanna & Cassie Sandsmark...
  10. Since "We Already Have Superman," let's focus on what has made Wonder Woman unique over the years, rather than tear her to pieces and homogenize her. This includes: the warrior/evangelist dichotomy/symmetry, rigid adherence to a message of innate (if "loving") superiority of women over men, the military/intelligence community background, Invisible Jet, lack of invulnerability, Lasso of Truth, the steampunk-style mysti-science, the routine presence of confederates on adventures, conflicting world myth/religions in contemporary or unusual settings, ideologically motivated foes, the overbearing and ever-present authority figures, the heroine as lusty adventurer or subversive element rather than crime buster, and on and on. See, given just a bit of thought, I think it's pretty clear Wonder Woman owes no more to Superman than any other super-hero. In fact it was Superman who adopted much of Wonder Woman's personality and tropes going into the Silver Age that eggs on these comparisons in the first place!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Grand Old JLA



Not so long ago, I gave my opinions on the political affiliations of The Avengers and The Man of Steel. With DC Comics now releasing a mini-series called "Decisions" openly exploring the same themes with their characters, I thought it would be a good time to handicap the positions. I'm a Liberal myself, so I started with the Republicans, since I like to think I can detect "otherness" in these characters...

Green Lantern (Hal Jordan): Ollie Queens's counterpoint, but since he was being written by Denny O'Neil, that only went so far as moderate Republicanism. He's a space-cop who works for a legion of blue-skinned David Ben-Gurions. Sure he has issues with authority, self-doubt and is a bit flighty, but when it comes right to it, Hal knows what side his bread is buttered on. He helped pull the original Angry Black Superman, John Stewart, from the militant left to a more moderate position, and his return to form included reconciliation with Reagan-loving Guy Gardner. Still, Hal's moderate enough to get along with artboy Kyle Rayner.

Hawkman & Hawkwoman(Carter & Shayera Hall): Hawk, man. Sure the Ostrander take dabbled with liberalism in the early 90's, and the current Hawkgirl has been hanging out with Roy Harper lately, but we're talking about brief bouts with juvenile rebellion here. They say everyone becomes more conservative as they get older, and you don't get much older than this reincarnation of an Egyptian prince.

The Atom (Ray Palmer): I know what you're thinking... a college professor created by Gardner Fox and Gil Kane, who's arch-enemy was the spitting image of Richard Nixon? Well, let's not be too hasty. This guy spent the 1960's fighting other scientists-- sure notable nutjobs like Jason Woodrue and Dr. Light, but still. Ever see Atom in a lefty PSA? Didn't he spend a lot of time with Hawkman without the slightest squawk of dispute? When he found out his wife was cheating on him, what did he do? Fly off to the Amazon to live out his fantasy as a sword and sorcery hero. It's not like Ray tried to lift the yellow-skinned natives out of barbarism. He just wanted to poke their men and women with one sort of sword or another. Didn't Bill O'Reilly write a book like that? Maybe not, but Ray sure did, outing his secret identity and leaving his trifling ex vulnerable to reprisal while he returned to the jungle! What does he do when he returns? Start using his body like a living bullet through the bodies of alien invaders. Lend out his powers to clandestine government operations like Amanda Waller's Suicide Squad. Work with the C.I.A. And when he commits his now crazy, murderous ex to, of all the hellholes on Earth, Arkham Asylum? He disappears to another, simpler Earth while assigning a Chinese national his abdicated role. I'm telling you, Ray Palmer is one of those quiet, objectivist Libertarian types you do not want to serve jury duty with. He was after Tricky Dick for being too soft.

The Flash (Barry Allen and Wally West): Barry strikes me as one of those salt of the earth Midwestern types who can't understand the objection to prayer in the school, or even Intelligent Design. West, meanwhile, has a long history of Red-baiting self-righteousness. That kid blew through a fortune, and happily traded on his celebrity for perks and his share of (occasionally adulterous) bed-hopping. None of that would separate him from a democrat, except that he decided to put that all in the past and lord over other heroes with his moral superiority, a decidedly Republican inclination.

Elongated Man and Sue Dibney: Comfortably rich amateur super-sleuths with public identities? Moderate Republicans, I assure you.

Firestorm (Ronnie Raymond and Martin Stein): A nuclear scientist and a jock who only protested a nuke plant in a bid to get laid? Yeah, Red Staters.

Blue Beetle II (Ted Kord): A genius inventor, athlete, and industrialist vigilante created by Steve Ditko? Also able to hang with Ditko's Question and Captain Atom? Even his latter-day mismanagement of Kord Industries and pursuing super-heroics with a heart condition point to this guy being a friend of the Bushes.

Booster Gold (Michael Carter): An unapologetic capitalist and best friend of Blue Beetle.

Captain Atom (Nathaniel Adam): Leaned Democrat immediately Post-Crisis, but this is another Ditko creation with a military background, so he inevitably swung back far right. If nothing else, his recent power and war mongering as Monarch seals the deal.

Huntress (Helena Bertinelli): Can't you just picture Helena at a Young Republicans rally with Shannon Doherty circa 1993? Is it just me, or does Helena share much of Ann Coulter's demeanor? Batman pretty much hated her on sight, Dick still feels guilty for sleeping with her, and Chuck Dixon claimed her for himself for most of the 90's. All signs point to Neo-conservative.

Metamorpho (Rex Mason): I'm mostly going with my gut here, although his famed adventurer shtick and association with the Staggs play into that. I don't know about the comics, but in the cartoon he was also ex-Marine, as far as that goes.

Power Girl (Kara Zor-L): I'll be the first to admit this one seems a stretch, with PG being such a vocal feminist. On the other hand, association with the JSA always bestows an air of Conservativism, and she always seemed more out of place among the Left Coast Infinitors and even the JLE. She's pro-interventionist, happily uses her sex appeal to her advantage, and was even an industrialist at one point. She feels right here.

Big Barda: Born and raised on Apocalypse. 'Nuff said.

Faith: Ex-Military Black Ops. Do the math.

See also: Steel II (Hank Heywood the Third) Dr. Light II (Kimiyo Hoshi,) Orion, Maxima, Agent Liberty, Triumph, Antaeus, and Jason Blood.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Jordan League of America



In case you hadn't heard, there's a new Justice League book coming out. Brian Bendis recently pulled this same shtick with "Mighty Avengers" of mixing a few headliners with third-stringers, driven partly by their being among the only Marvel heroes to work as Republicans (in contrast to the criminally liberal "New Avengers.") Unless this new Hal Jordan-led outfit is going to use lethal force or find themselves shedding numbers ala Suicide Squad, I fail to see the point of staffing the team with so many bottom feeders. The DCU has always suffered from a dearth of viable super-teams, with only the League, Titans, and Legion seeing consistent respect and usage. This new outfit as launched seems likely to be a failure on its own, and as an added bonus could harm Jordan and Queens only recently respectable reputations. Perhaps I come off pessimistic, but after reading James Robinson's interview at CBR, I found only more cause for concern.

  • "Robinson’s concept for “Justice League” is fuelled by the notion that while some of the world’s greatest heroes react in perhaps a more methodical and pensive way to the murder of a DCU character in “Final Crisis,” others, namely Hal and Ollie, are ready to strike down with great vengeance and furious anger as if Samuel L. Jackson was calling the shots." Has this sort of hardcore, pro-active approached ever worked with established heroes? "Extreme Justice?" "The Elite?" And their motivation for going this route is Martian Manhunter? Way to honor his memory, asshats.
  • “I have a theory about certain characters. They are meant to be supporting characters. They are meant to be backup characters. The moment you give them books, it never completely works." How many ways can I call bullshit on this? James Robinson only long term major critical and commercial success was "Starman," a character and concept that failed to connect with the public for nearly fifty years before the strength and sincerity of the creative team made it work. Why would that be any less true of characters he singled out for shame with his statement, like Hawkman and the Atom, who've performed better and more consistently than Starman for most of their existence?
  • "I defy you to tell me what Ray Palmer’s personality is? There has never been a personality. So that’s one of things I am going to do with him as well, is give him a personality." Bullshit. I've been a fan of the sophisticated, subtle characterization of Ray Palmer since the 80's, whereas the overblown Jordan and Queen have mostly left me cold for as long as I've been reading comics.
  • For years, I loved Hal Jordan's look, but never read his series. Meanwhile, I was disinterested in the Flash on every level. In the 90's, I got my hands on a fat chunk of Flash & GL back issues, only to realize that I really liked Barry Allen's laid back charm, while Jordan was kind of an flaky idiot jerk. I still like the Green Lantern Corps and am disinterested in the Speed Force, but both Barry and Wally West are just much more palatable and heroic individuals than Hal Jordan. That said, I'd take Ray Palmer over the lot of them. If Ray Palmer doesn't have a personality, neither does Alan Scott. He's the only reason I would buy this book.
  • I discussed my issues with Ollie Queen a week or so back in "The Bane of Multiversalism." When you team-up Ollie with Hal, he becomes Hawkeye, and I don't read Hawkeye comics.
  • “Geoff and I have made a solemn vow in terms of the Superbooks, that it’s not two books that we are doing " ‘Action Comics’ and ‘Superman’ -- it’s three, with ‘Supergirl.’" So does that mean they're going to carry Puckett via crossovers, or override him with this new book as leverage? I flippin' hate the Jeph Loeb/Michael Turner anorexic bimbo Supergirl. This character's continued existence sets back her entire gender, and if everyone's being written in character, Hal totally has to fuck her. It's the Arisia thing all over again, and that was disturbing enough the first time. Alternately, they can kill her yet again, in which case I have a bitchin' reboot premise already in mind...
  • So there's finally going to be a Batwoman series? “To be honest with you, I am a little hands off with that character. She’s Greg Rucka’s character. She’s in the book to give the book a ‘Bat’ emblem. I don’t really have the greatest handle on her. She’s going to be more off to the side." So the dyke sits on the bench, useful only for notoriety? How progressive...
  • “Do you know the whole thing with Captain Marvel Jr. and Elvis Presley?" Yes we do, but you're to tell us anyway, pretty well undermining anyone's ability to take the new "Shazam" seriously. Not that there was much hope to begin with.
  • Congorilla? Anyone remember Grant Morrison's Liefeld parody "Doom Force?" DC seems to be killing off all its Silver Age super-chimps, so smart money's on Bill buying it next.
  • In case you missed it, the book is actually called just "Justice League." Confusing much? Diluting the brand any?
  • At least they got Mauro Cascioli for this, who seems poised to become DC's Gabriele Dell'Otto. Let's hope his schedule isn't comparable...

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Trouble With Nightwing



I've been a fan of Dick Grayson since about 1983, when I realized the useless tool that was Robin had grown up to become a formidable detective, strategist, and team leader amongst the New Teen Titans. Grayson was the first kid sidekick, and was among the first to graduate to full hero status, in a new adult identity. Sadly, what was a wonderful development for the character and an opportunity to legitimize the protege for modern audiences instead marked the point where Grayson essentially ceased to progress. This isn't so unusual, as Wally West was the only contemporary of Dick's to become an A-lister, though through the acceptance of the mantle of his mentor at his passing. However, unlike Tenpest, Troia, and the rest of the virtual also-rans, Dick Grayson remains one of the most recognizable alter egos in comic book history and through mass media. Like Ginger Rogers, the original Robin had to keep up with his more acclaimed partner while prepubescent and wearing booties. That should count for a lot, given the company. As a longtime fan, I'd like to offer DC Comics my opinions on how to finally take the Nightwing concept to the next level, before Dan Didio manages to force his death in a future inter-company crossover.

  • Unlike every other Robin you'll ever introduce, Dick Grayson has the seminal sidekick origin, and it's strong enough to work without Batman. "Son of circus acrobats witnesses his parents plunge to their deaths due to sabotage from extortionists. Boy wonder dons a variations on his parents' performing uniform and employs his inborn agility and keen mind to solve their murder. The youth continues both his studies and his crime busting into adulthood, until he sheds the gaudy garb of Robin to embrace his new role as one of the greatest super-heroes in the world: Nightwing." Think outside of "Batman and..." to see the story potential based on that simple, effective origin.
  • That said, what exactly does a "Nightwing" do? The "acrobat detective" is a shorthand description of most every street-level vigilante since the Golden Age, and it just isn't enough on its own. Without Batman, Nightwing is just Daredevil with better vision, two sticks, and a fraction of the depth. That means you need to either invent a whole new gimmick, or embrace the Batman.
  • Why would the ward of a multi-millionaire patrol a city with nothing but escrima sticks? Again, while Robin was the lesser partner, he can still claim 50% of the Batman mythos from 1940-1980. Batarangs, Batcopters, Bat-Shark Repellant: so much of the paraphernalia associated with Batman has been discarded or downplayed in recent decades. Nightwing can claim all of it as his heritage, and that deep resource and legacy should be exploited.
  • You have the excuse that Dick wants to prove he's his own man? He's been trying since the early 70's, and been essentially stunted since the mid-80's. I think it's safe to call that angle a failure. Dick Grayson works best as a bridge builder and team player. There's no reason he can't work closely with Batman and the DCU as a whole without pretending like he can rebuild his heroic persona from scratch. Besides which, one of the most important steps in adulthood is acknowledging your debt to the people who raised you and their influence, from which no one can ever escape, Nightwing most of all.
  • Nightwing can replace Batman, to assume his true role in the DC Universe. You see, since Denny O'Neil decided to take the Dark Knight back to his roots as a grim, isolated avenger, he's been unable to fully serve his iconic role within comics continuity. He's an "urban myth," antagonistic, and loathes leaving Gotham City. Batman has difficulty functioning outside a narrow range of story types and emotions, which is a handicap Nightwing is free from. He can stand before reporters as the brilliant leader of the Justice League of America-- amongst virtual gods to prove the value of human determination. He can fly a starship through a space opera, romance a vampire, battle super-intelligent apes, bounce off the keys to giant typewriters: anything Batman could do at one time, but now can't.
  • Again, virtually every comic book Batman appeared in for over thirty years co-starred Dick Grayson, so those are all his stories, too. There's no reason Nightwing can't operate out of Gotham City and confront any villain from their mutual rogues gallery. Attempts to create a new cadre of villains expressly for Nightwing have met with slight success, so why not make use of established evil-doers?
  • Despite that lengthy shared history, Nightwing has some of his own that has gone mostly untouched. As with Batman, Nightwing has a shared interest in thirty years worth of Teen Titans adventures. Those experiences should be referenced and explored.
  • Nightwing's current costume, with minor alterations, was designed by Brian Stelfreeze in the mid-90's. It is simple and reasonably effective, but it's hardly Alex Toth's Space Ghost or anything. The fact is, Nightwing has never had a good costume, including his current gear, which so lacks in imagination as to not pass muster for a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Yes, his old suits were often embarrassingly hideous, but the paradigm shift to lifeless "safety" leaves anyone not already enchanted with Nightwing with the impression that he's simply bland and obligatory, not a viable hero who can bring in new fans.
  • Just as with the "rebellious youth" nonsense, Nightwing should be too old to be seen with "Teen" Titans, and his reputation in general isn't helped by constantly forming super-teams with the likes of Tempest, Troia, Arsenal, and such. Go big or go home. As much as I tell you to look back on where Nightwing has been, the purpose is to help guide the character to a new future, not wallow with the same underachievers forever.
  • Dick Grayson's adventures predate nearly every major Marvel character's by nearly a quarter century. He was a contemporary of the Justice Society of America, and active long before Hal Jordan, Barry Allen, and the rest. He deserves respect and a definitive place in the DCU that will never come without a concerted publishing effort. People the world over knew him as Robin. One wonders how it would react if there was more of an attempt to point out "Hey! Look! Robin's grown up into a new character!" That may be old news to fanboys, but the concept hasn't penetrated the general consciousness. Build a catalog of noteworthy Nightwing stories, and then resell him to the public.
  • A major part of that effort should be giving Nightwing a purpose to exist beyond "Dick got tired of wearing shortpants." Nightwing doesn't need a new origin, but he does need a stronger motivation for why he continues to operate and to what end. Without that, it's no wonder he's just brawling with one empty villain after another.
  • Dick Grayson was a distant cousin of the 40's Robotman. Bet you didn't know that.
  • Nightwing as a police officer never worked, because he has the wrong temperament. It also speaks poorly of him as a role model to have dropped out of college nearly thirty years ago and never return. Part of the character's growing up should be putting aside fantasies of cops and robbers, figure out what he wants to be when he grows up, and get back to school to pursue that end. In fact, I suspect his lack of direction has soured his reputation with Tim Drake, to whom he once was himself a mentor. If the latest Robin can't respect and follow in the footsteps of the original, what value will readers find in Nightwing?
  • Nightwing needs to solve his own cases, and win his own battles, consistently. Otherwise, he'll never be A-list, and this kid was friggin' Robin! Do you want the greatest child star gone mediocre on your hands, or can you bring up your game already?

Friday, April 25, 2008

Superman Red State/Superman Blue State



A few weeks back, I broke down the political alignment of the Avengers line-up based on their iconic status quo more than continuity minutiae. That's how you have to roll when you read Marvel Comics as sporadically as I have since our falling out in the early 90's. DC Comics, on the other hand, I followed religiously until a few years back. This allows me much greater familiarity with their characters, so I'd like to discuss their alignments in greater detail.

Might as well start at the top of the hill with the Man of Steel. However, Superman is tricky, as part of his appeal is being all things good and right to all peoples of the world. Well, not miserable bastards like me who'd like to see Marshal Law pound the nails into his crucifix, but I'm talking about normal people. Let's look at the evidence...


SUPERMAN BLUE STATE

  • Superman crusaded for social causes in his earliest appearances.
  • Superman was a close friend of President John F. Kennedy, and seemed fond of Bill Clinton.
  • Superman appeared in many PSAs in the 60's and 70's promoting racial harmony.
  • Since the mid-80's, Superman has routinely opposed the agenda of politically independent but decidedly conservative tycoon Lex Luthor.
  • Worked closely with lesbian police chief Maggie Sawyer for many years.
  • He can tolerate Batman for extended periods of time.



SUPERMAN RED STATE

  • Despite being resolutely blue collar, Kansas consistently votes Republican.
  • Kansas, and quite obviously Superman, skew toward high-minded moralism and against liberal causes like abortion rights, freedom in the arts, and are possessed of a downright libertarian dogged self-determinism. In fact, Kansas seems to openly hate liberals, skewing far to the right.
  • I'm not sure a non-white character appeared on a Metropolis street before the 1970's.
  • I don't recall any recurring non-white characters who worked for the Daily Planet before the early 90's.
  • I don't recall any recurring female characters at the Daily Planet besides Lois Lane prior to the late 80's.
  • Since the late 80's, Lex Luthor has been one of Metropolis' most beloved and influential figures.
  • Superman abandoned most social causes by the mid-1940's to become an authority figure most concerned with foiling theft and maintaining the status quo.
  • Superman was a close friend of President Ronald Reagan.
  • When Lex Luthor was a mad scientist, he went to jail at the end of every appearance. When Lex Luthor became an evil businessman, he rampaged largely unchecked until winning the presidency, and even after resigning in scandal he remains at large.
  • Lois Lane is a self-possessed ball buster that would send Ann Coultier crying to mama.
  • Excepting Luthor, most of Superman's foes are underprivileged, disfigured, and are often illegal aliens.
  • Most of Superman's foes are either far stupider or exceedingly more intelligent than himself.
  • Pretty near all of Superman's foes are far less powerful than himself.
  • When in doubt, Superman punches something.
  • He calls himself "Superman."
  • Superman is anti-interventionist with regard to foreign conflict, except when he takes a personal stake, like when he used to invade the Arab nation of Qurac on the third weekend of every month. Come to think of it, how often has Superman had trouble with non-Arabic nations?
  • His best "pal' wears a bow tie.
  • Once a year, Superman likes to read his mail and bestow token wish fulfillment to people. Also, he sometimes try to feed the world's hungry for a day. The he goes back to punching the Parasite for the other 364 calender days.
  • Superman is one of the most powerful beings in existence, but chooses to remain hands off in most instances.
  • Despite his power, he takes a high paying white collar position at a major metropolitan newspaper, where he writes columns instead of housing the homeless.
  • Three words: Fortress of Solitude.

    Jeez, I thought this would be more fair and balanced, but I'm just droning on at this point about what a total GOP the MOS happens to be...

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Super-Hero Registration Act and the Common Good



Let's go back to the seminal super-hero, Superman. People are always arguing the difference between his creation and that of mythological figures and pulp heroes. To me, the major deciding factors were that a) the super-hero was active in our modern world b) the super-hero had unimpeachable ethical character; c) the super-hero clearly fought to protect and serve the common man; d) the super-hero focused his attention on social ills, from domestic violence to crime to errors in the justice system. The super-hero, as originated by Superman, had fantastic powers that allowed them to act as urban secular demigods in pursuit of justice and equality for the people.

Now, somewhere along the way, the original super-hero concept was perverted by the more violent and prurient interests of the pulp fiction set, and further corrupted by crusading moralists who helped force the renegade social champions to become the servants of the establishment. Where once Superman represented the fantasy of an empowered populace, he was now an authoritarian used to teach the young and simple-minded proper respect for the law and property.

The Marvel revolution of the 1960's was partially based on taking the super-hero back to the genesis point as agents of social change, while miring them in the dilemmas of the average person's daily life, transforming them to be relatable contemporaries more than ideals. As with the previous generation of heroes, Marvel was co-opted by corporate interests more concerned with keeping politics and of the equation and keeping the line palatable to all. Creators continued to fight for progressive notions, but ultimately focus lingered more on the neurotic melodrama and more generalized notions of heroism.

Sadly, a third generation of socially-conscious super-heroes has yet to find a foothold in the public consciousness. The need for artists to address our times remains, as does the wish for super-heroes that reflect those desires. However, to fill the vacuum, Marvel heroes with established continuities have been recontextualized in a manner that does not sit well with longtime readers. I understand that irritation, but there is no new company of concepts to reflect the neo-fascistic leanings of our era. Marvel creators have instead returned to the seminal point of the super-hero, and forced certain characters into roles that cause displeasure, but are not entirely unprecidented nor outside the concerns of our time. Marvel bread and butter has always been their being the home of a realistic, relatable universe.

Our government continues to rubberstamp torture, indefinate imprisonment without trial, extraordinary rendition, a potentially endless foreign occupation hinged on utterly insubstantial motivations... in the absence of a new generation of heroes, it falls on Marvel to represent our modern existence in super-heroic terms. Otherwise, they're just DC Comics, a corporate entity only allowed to make a point through vague metaphor or within the ghetto of extant lines. The question you have to ask yourself is, if you're a true Marvel fan, shouldn't you want social ills to be addressed, or do you just want broad fantasy in tights?

Friday, April 11, 2008

The Two American Avengers

Okay, let me see if I've got this straight: Columnist and author Hannibal Tabu has a great bit where he equates the Mighty Avengers to Republican super-heroes and the New Avengers to the Democrats. In my Iron Man comments, Damon Owens and I have gone back and forth about whether Tony Stark was every a good fit as a dem (I feel it was never a good idea, myself,) but I think we can all agree his recent orientation has been fairly hard core Neo-Con. As of right now, this is how I see the historic Avengers dividing up under the current U.S. polemic...

Red State
  • Thor (still, though currently more of a maverick.)
  • Hank Pym (Skrull or otherwise)
  • Wasp (c'mon, WASP...)
  • Swordsman (all guys with moustaches like that are...)
  • Vision (always seemed like an establishment type in adverse circumstances)
  • Black Knight
  • Black Widow
  • Moondragon (even with the lesbianism, a total Shannon Doherty)
  • Ms. Marvel
  • Wonder Man (embezzlement? failed businesses? all he needs is a coke habit...)
  • She-Hulk (though clearly a moderate)
  • Firebird (you know those evangelicals)
  • Moon Knight (where did he fall in the Civil War again?)
  • U.S. Agent (Marvel's Guy Gardner, after all)
  • Human Torch (Golden Age)
  • Darkhawk
  • Namor (this guy will invade New York if you so much as spit in Atlantis' direction)
  • Mister Fantastic
  • Quasar
  • Sersi
  • Justice (a felon, but he's got that vibe...)
  • Triathlon
  • Captain Britain (voted for Thatcher, I suspect)
  • Spider-Woman (still)
  • Sentry
  • Ares

Blue State
  • Hulk (obviously soft on crime)
  • Captain America (R.I.P., and Bucky appears to have been a pinko for decades...)
  • Hawkeye (sleeps with felons and Commies...)
  • Quicksilver (oppressed minority)
  • Scarlet Witch
  • Hercules
  • Black Panther (total progressive type, and a certified mutie lover)
  • Mantis
  • Beast
  • Falcon
  • Tigra (what is it with animal characters and liberalism...?)
  • Photon
  • Starfox (the Bill Clinton of super-heroes, sadly sans actual charisma)
  • Mockingbird
  • War Machine
  • Living Lightning (a queer Latino? unless he's deeply self loathing...)
  • Spider-Woman II (single mom)
  • Machine Man
  • Invisible Woman
  • Doctor Druid
  • Spider-Man
  • Sandman
  • Crystal
  • Thunderstrike
  • Firestar
  • Silverclaw
  • Jack of Hearts
  • Ant-Man II
  • Luke Cage
  • Wolverine
  • Echo
  • Dr. Strange
  • Iron Fist


Thoughts?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Why I Don't Hate Iron Man



Sometimes I repeat myself, but I've always taken the notion that "every comic is someone's first" to heart, even if the industry hasn't in decades, and look how well that insular error has worked out. So on the notion that every blog posting may be someone's first, I'll not that I've been reading comics for well over a quarter century, and spent virtually none of that time reading Iron Man. I started out like most kids, with "gateway" heroes like Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and the Hulk... oh, how I hated the Hulk. I'll save that blog for when the crappy looking Ed Norton movie comes out.

Moving on, I have some difficulty pinning down my first exposure to Iron Man. It may have been a selection of Layton/Michelinie back issues my friend Charlie had, dated around 1981, with an appearance by Blacklash coming to mind. Black clad characters weren't that common in my experience, and between the energy whip and green hair, he seemed pretty bad ass. However, for some reason I skipped an issue of Marvel Team-Up in 1984 with the character, even after buying the issues immediately before (Moon Knight!) and after (Nomad!) Yeah, that's right, I passed on Iron Man and Whiplash, but Nomad made me swerve. Obviously, this is going somewhere.

Alternately, I might have first discovered Iron Man on a spinner rack in a Gemco department store in 1983. By that point, the creative reigns had been handed over to the less heralded Denny O'Neil and Luke McDonnell, who grabbed my attention to a greater degree. You might think my previous issue was with Bob Layton, but see, I bought the second Hercules mini-series by him, so that couldn't be it. Maybe it was because Stark had been replaced as Iron Man by Jim Rhoades, a second banana of color.

You see, I grew up in po' town, so most of my friends were either low income whites or black. There were Latinos everywhere, as the area skewed barrio even then. At that point though (late 70's/early 80's,) most of them didn't speak English, and routinely stole my shit. Not being racist here, as everyone stole everyone else's shit, but I could actually keep tabs with and even retrieve the shit my non-Latino friends ganked, so I tended to hang with them. Also, since there were fewer of us, sticking together helped keep us from getting our asses kicked by large groups of people to whom English was a second language, if any. This meant I associated with black heroes more strongly than most people as pale as my honkey ass happens to be, and of course my black friends were more likely to pick up comics featuring people like Luke Cage, Storm, Black Panther, or Stalker. They tended to buy Marvel, as DC Comics didn't care about black people, beyond Cyborg. However, the only friend I had who bought Iron Man was white, and he wasn't my friend anymore by the time Rhodey took over, and for some reason I didn't really dig on him either. I bought a What If...? Starring Sub-Mariner instead. I repeat, Namor, the avenging son of Atlantis, was more interesting to me than Iron Man.

Somehow, I assume through one of those bagged three-packs that used to be sold everywhere, I ended up with a Jim Rhoades Iron Man issue. It actually wasn't a bad read, but I still wasn't into the character. Also, it read "mature." I had the same problem with the odd Yeates or Moore "Swamp Thing" I'd find on the newsstand. They weren't bad, but as a kid I felt they were too sedate and sophisticated for my reading level. Seriously, I was precocious enough to be objective about that kind of thing. Now, Layton & Michelinie eventually returned, and they were clearly not writing anything over my head, but I was just as clearly not interested. Even when they ran that cool freakin' "Armor Wars" ad about it being time for the Avenger to start avenging. A similar vibe off the "Shadow War of Hawkman" totally turned me on to a dude wearing a bird head and fake wings, but I could not get it up for Iron Man.

Why is this, I asked myself then and now? Sure, Tony Stark was an affluent white male, a segment of the population I was raised to hate/fear/distrust, but that doesn't explain my disinterest in Rhoadey. Maybe it was the suit itself, as I've never cared about technology, whether it was car, jets, robots, or robots that could turn into cars and jets. Then again, I liked Robotech, even if it was mostly for the vinyl suits, blue hair and the boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing. What was wrong with Iron Man? I tried it during the brief Byrne/Romita Jr. stint-- nothing. One of my best friend's favorite character is Iron Man, so he got me to read some Kaminiski, but I wasn't feeling it. He had me read the "Demon in a Bottle" trade, and in fact it did turn out I thought Layton & Michelinie sucked, so that was a non-start. When Lobdell and Portacio relaunched the title, at a time when Whilce was still one of my favorite artists, I read without conviction. Busiek and Chen fared worse. Ellis and Granov were terrible, regardless of my feelings about turning Tony Stark into a cyborg in the lamest fashion possible. The only saving grace was that I read more O'Neil/McDonnell, and they really did have a well crafted run with two heroes I don't care enough about to piss on if they were set afire.

Today, I visited Occasional Superheroine, which linked to Sean Kleefeld's post discussing why he hates Iron Man. His hang-up seems to amount to Tony Stark's having a personality, where Iron Man was always a put-on "bodyguard" with no distinct character. He may well have had a point... prior to Civil War.

Here, you see, is where it all turns around. Now, I love Captain America more than I love the Martian Manhunter, to whom I've dedicated the better part of a decade researching for the purpose of constructing one expansive website a ran for a few years, and now a daily blog that I've worked on for over 200 consecutive days. Even after all that effort on my part, I think it would be a task to sustain a Martian Manhunter series of quality for an extended period of time. On the other hand, I could write Captain America every month until the day I die. I'd love to take on Mark Gruenwald's record, and I'm confident I could outperform him. Captain America helped form my identity and moral code. If I am at all patriotic, especially in this day and age, it is because of Captain America. It was a given that I would root for Captain America and his band of costumed objectors in the political schism between super-heroes caused by a tragic event claiming thousands of lives, and of course I did, until I didn't.

You see, for years, Iron Man did what was normal for super-heroes: he put on a sort of costume, pretended to be two different people, and fought other people with similar powers and interests as himself. I never had much interest in "straight" super-heroes. Flash was always nabbing bank robbers, as if I gave two shits about FDIC-insured fat cats losing a few bills. Spider-Man was always catching muggers, as if such a thing had any bearing on a poor boy from Texas. Iron Man was the worst, a rich white man protecting his company's trade secrets from super-thieves. I loved Captain America because he fought terrorists, Nazis, and other idealogues that ran counter to liberal values. After 9/11 though, Marvel's icons like Cap and Shell-Headed started revealing their secret identities. This led to lots of stories in which Steve Rogers searched his soul about the meaning of his life and America itself in the face of this national tragedy. I was cool with that in the post-Watergate years of the Man Without A Country, or in the face of Reagan's jingoism as personified by Super-Patriot/USAgent. After 9/11 though, I felt there were only two ways to go: address America's dirty hands that led to these terrorists hating on us, or socking proxy Osamas in the mug like he handeled Hitler in '40! Since in any way speaking about American culpability was verboten in the first half of this decade, the only thing to do was deliver on the comfortingly simplistic iconography of the war on terror. Captain America's writers instead straddled the fence, effectively going nowhere, and selling us the non-adventures of Steve Rogers, namby-pamby.

Meanwhile, Iron Man stood revealed as a raging hypocrite. Yes, he lied to people in his personal and professional life for years. Yes, this essentially constitutes grievous fraud. Yes, Stark the alcoholic was also the various rampaging Iron Men. Yes, he illegal entered foreign countries, caused enormous loss to property and life, yet still tried to play at taking the "high road" by abandoning arms manufacture, as if his own armor wasn't the source of continued threat throughout the world. These revelations earned him a government post, and later, directorship of S.H.I.E.L.D. In this Civil War, after decades acting as an unlicensed corporate policeman, he had now forced through legislation to outlaw any acts of vigilanteism in the United States, while simultaneously pressing for similarly action abroad. Iron Man effectively reinstated the draft when it came to super-heroes, and jailed anyone, even Captain America, who did not tow the line. Iron Man and Tony Stark were now inseperable, unavoidable, and utterly fascistic. Many now consider him the greatest super-villain in the Marvel Universe.

Not I. Somehow, my left-leanings be damned, I wholeheartedly support Iron Man's campaign. Despite all the nefarious shit he got up to with Reed Richards and Hank Pym, and despite the obvious parallels with George Dubbya, can you honestly say you think ungoverned super-heroes are a good idea? Perhaps in a universally and unbelievably altruistic comic book universe, but Marvel has always been considered "realistic." Their heroes are not Justice League goody two-shoes, but the people you know, with super-powers. I don't know anyone I'd trust with super-powers, and super-heroes are a inherently fascistic concept. Maybe in the early days when Superman beat down the doors of wife-beaters and rescued innocent persons from death row, the prospect of instant and unequivocal social justice was desirable. Even as a child though, it wasn't hard to see those hoodlums Batman likes to beat senseless being a degree or two seperate from the circumstances I grew up in. Desperate people in desperate times, hustling to get by, only to have some psychotic thug give them a concussion. It reminds me of when I read Jim O'Barr's "The Crow." On the one hand, it wasn't as comically stupid as the awful movie, with it's multiracial super-villain team of home invaders. On the other, a man so white he painted himself up as a mime kills a group of very black and mostly indistinguished black men who raped and murdered a couple on a roadside. Am I reading too much into that? Maybe, but the subtext seems pretty textual there. Oh, how many drug peddlers have Green Arrow and Speedy shot through the motherfucking hand? Am I the only one who thinks that's maybe a little excessive? I want someone to rein in the real crazies, those self-appointed gestapo in tights!

Finally, Tony Stark is Iron, and Tony Stark is the Man. No more soft-peddling the fact this cat is hard-drinkin', armor-wearin', fast-drivin', slow-lovin', cash-blowin', underling bossin', 100% U.S. Grade A Republican Son-of-a-Bitch! No more eqivocation. No pussy-footing. Tony Stark makes you feel he's a cool exec with a heart of steel. As Iron Man, boot jets ablaze, he fights and smites with repulsor rays. Iron Man is about fucking up Commies, Skrulls, and any other douchebags that don't get the meaning of the word "invincible." Iron Man is about power, not feet of clay and detox. Iron Man is about having what every man in this wants, and working it like he knows how. Iron Man is about what Superman would be like if he were a Marvel character and still retained his true heart. Comic book creators tend toward liberalism, and that is exactly why Iron Man hasn't worked for most of fandom in forty years. Now is the time for the fantasy of strength and righteousness, especially as the reality of overbearing, ill-considered self-righteousness looks to have launched us deep enough into a recession to scare everyone shitless. I don't want to think like a Steinbeck character while I scrape by for the next decade, because I expect that's the shit we'll all be living soon. I want to be Iron Man!

And that is why I now like Iron Man. Also, the new movie stars Robert Downey Jr., and pits him against a bald Jeff Bridges. These are two of our greatest living actors, in a super-hero movie! If Batman fans weren't such deluded fuckwits, they'd think about mixing their own medications in the face of that overwhelming coolness. Too far? Too soon? Just trying to roll like Iron Man, blogging like a waterboard...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Trouble With Aquaman



Pin-Up from Justice League Quarterly #17 by Chris Batista & Joe Rubenstein.

Both at the Aquaman Shrine and Newsarama I read the following about DC big dog Dan DiDio...

"Asked about Aquaman, DiDio asked the fan back who is Aquaman now, to which the fan answered, 'I'm not sure right now.'

DiDio took a poll of the audience to see which Aquaman was the crowd's favorite, which showed the audience to be split among the different versions. DiDio said that it's something they're trying to figure out--which Aquaman should be the Aquaman to bring back.

DiDio said that while the Jim Aparo version is most recognizable, the 'harpoon hand' version is also well recognized in the media. All in all, DiDio said, they're taking their time to bring Aquaman back."

So basically, one of the biggest decision makers at DC Comics doesn't even know who Aquaman is, much less what to do with him. It's actually a pretty common problem with the character, seeing as despite being one of the most recognizable super-heroes in the world, he's a constant bottom feeder in sales and the butt of many jokes. I like to think I could help, and offer the following advise...

Adventure Comics Weekly, written by me, and guaranteed better than "Countdown" (even if I had to draw it by myself.) Oh wait, that's an utter fantasy. Let me start again.

  • Aquaman is not Batman. There are, to my knowledge, no such things as seabats. Yes, he did have an Aquacave at one time. Yes, he also had a kid sidekick. Yes, Aquaman's son was tragically murdered. This was all true, thirty years ago. Aquaman has been a brooding bore for nearly as long as I've been alive, and I just keep getting older. Let it go.
  • There are people who know and like Aquaman with the harpoon hand. Some toys were made of that incarnation, and it figured into his appearances on "Justice League." However, those people represent a fraction of the public who know the classic Aquaman, so catering to the minority only alienates the majority. Also, that incarnation is associated with one of the worst video games ever, and in fact the cable channel G4 awards equally wretched fare a "Golden Mullet" in Aquaman's dishonor. This is what is commonly known as "negative association."
  • To 95% of the people who have ever heard of Aquaman, he's the guy in orange and green who talks to fishies and rides giant seahorses. No amount of tough guy swagger, hair, or pointy objects will ever negate this fact. Also, his name is "Aquaman," which will never sound "edgy." Work with the character you've got, or else you're only undermining his strengths.
  • People expect Aquaman to smile. He's blonde and handsome. Girls and certain guys should want him, while the rest of us should want to be him. The people I know who want to mope or grimace constantly, develop unfortunate grooming choices, and are attracted to impractical prosthetesis are neither my dear friends nor my heroes. They are the people I avoid as much as possible.
  • It's okay for Aquaman to be funny. He doesn't have to be a joke, but his powers and surroundings are quirky, and it's okay to acknowledge that.
  • Puns are not funny, especially fish puns with an aquatic character. Neither is referring to fat people as either "slim" or "hefty." It's obvious and irritating.
  • Don't be ashamed of having adventures in or near water. "Pirates of the Carribean" and "The Little Mermaid" have earned billions off it. The ocean is a cool, scary, mysterious, fun place to be.
  • If there's an attention-getting event or a major new super-team, maybe allow Aquaman a prominent role in there somewhere. He's famous, you know. Might be a mutually-beneficial arrangement.
  • There does not have to be an ongoing series titled "Aquaman," especially by editorial decree. That leads to books by great names in comics talent, like Gary Cohn, Dan Mishkin, Paris Cullins, Neal Pozner, Robert Loren Fleming, Marty Egelund, Kirk Jarvinen, Yvel Guichet, and so on. Worse, it leads to "bold new directions" by actual names defaming themselves and the character, like Keith Giffen, Peter David, Erik Larsen, and Rick Veitch. The British have this wonderful notion of television where they stage a brief "season" whenever they have the talent and a story they feel is worth telling. This is preferrable to shoveling as much crap as possible to hit the magic 100 episodes for syndication.
  • Regardless of how well the revisionist "Trials of Shazam" sells in the direct market (re: not very,) Jeff Smith's concurrent mini-series that remained true to the Captain Marvel character and his audience will sell longer and stronger in wider circulation. If creators like Mark Waid and Mike Wieringo approach you with the idea of a nice little one-shot with the first classic take on Aquaman in eons, you damned well ought to say, "yes.
  • When you're constantly trying to reinvent a character, you're telling fandom you don't have confidence in your own property. When you tell a roomfull of people you don't know what to do with Aquaman, or even who that character is, you devalue him in reader's eyes, and poor sales become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Under those circumstances, you have to wait for someone with a vision and understanding of the character to come along and make the property work. It seems based on track record and the guy's own interest Geoff Johns is that person. Next time the question comes up, answer "When Geoff's ready, he'll take care of Aquaman, and you will all be thrilled with the result." If Geoff is never ready, make a mental note of who the next best option is on the list, and insert their name until something comes to fruition.
  • A.B.C. Dan: Always Be Closing. If you can't make the sale now, make sure that door remains open for later. Otherwise, Joe Quesada is just going to sell them more Marvel. The man who answers "I dunno" does not get the Glengarry leads.

...nurghophiles...

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