nurghophonic jukebox: "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crash Test Dummies

Written By: Brad Roberts
Released: October 26, 1993
Album: God Shuffled His Feet
Single?: #6 on U.S. Billboard Top 40



Lyrics:

Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn't come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Once there was this girl who
Wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room
But when they finally made her
They saw birthmarks all over her body
She couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

But both girl and boy were glad
'Cause one kid had it worse than that

'Cause then there was this boy whose
Parents made him come directly home right after school
And when they went to their church
They shook and lurched all over the church floor
He couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just gone there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

A Frank Review of "[●REC] 2" (2009)

The Short Version? 27 Weeks Earlier... in an isolated building... zombies attack.
What Is It? Survival Horror.
Who Is In It? Spaniards
Should I See It? No.



Like The Blair Witch Project, [*REC] was a single camera movie in which the lens served as a proxy for the viewer’s virtual involvement in the proceedings. [REC] traded on the sense of the film being recorded live and in a reality too near to our own for comfort. Like The Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows, [*REC]² is a glossy Hollywood sequel that chucks everything that worked about the first film out the window so that the filmmakers could prove they were capable of hacking out the usual bullshit. Instead of a low-res real time environment, [rec2] is a multi-player first person shooter with shifting vantage points, flashbacks, and techno-tomfoolery.

A big part of what made [REC] work was its simplicity. Common everyday people found themselves in an extraordinary, terrifying circumstance. Tension built slowly, until the levees broke, and then the situation became bad topped by worse along a progressive trip through the infernal. The characters didn’t need to be developed, because they were, like you, innocents caught in a harrowing ordeal folks could sympathize with. [REC2] begins fifteen minutes after the conclusion of the original, in which a SWAT team enters a building full of 28 Days Later… Rage rejects to investigate the cause of a viral outbreak. Instead of taking the audience with them, the viewer is a passive spectator in a video game movie derivative of Aliens and Dawn of the Dead. The perspective camera constantly changes, gets dropped on its side, loses sound, blinks out-- incessantly reminding the audience they're watching various recordings from a prior time. Only one of the SWAT team members exhibits any personality, and that one is of an obnoxiously over-reactive nature, so the rest are essentially the players’ various “lives” in progressing through the game. First time players, I should say, because everyone in this flick is a nimrod of the type audiences impatiently wait to see die for their stupidity. Could someone please explain to bad "comedy" and "scary" movie directors that the only response having your actors shouting all their lines invokes is a desire for them to shut. the fuck. up?

One of the most common faults of horror movie sequels is to build on an ongoing mythology. The more familiar you are with something, the less frightening it is, and the better equipped you are to deal with it. Even if crosses or garlic fail to kill your particular vampire, just keep going down the checklist until you find something foolproof. Once you demystify a threat, you remove much of the horror, and are left with a fantasy or science fiction story. In [REC,} one of the more effective reveals toward the end of the picture was the true nature of the contagion. [REC]2 picks up from that point, and then negates its impact with a litany of direct swipes from other pictures/familiar mythos. “Your mother sucks cocks in Hell” is easily repurposed, as are visual ticks from the last decade of Japanese horror exports. Even [Rec]’s own technique of still creatures suddenly rushing the camera is abused so often and reproduced so exactingly that it begins to feel more like a replay than anything to shriek at.

[REC] 2 is a predictable franchise killing knock off of a shitload of other movies, right up to its unsurprising “twist” ending. If you found yourself haunted by [REC], this sequel is the perfect antidote, as it effectively neutralize any residual impact of the original. Unless you've been anxiously anticipating a truly faithful screen adaptation of House of the Dead, leave this lie.

Empowered Volume 3 (March, 2008)

Remember that feeling of euphoria at discovering the first season/album/etc. of something toe-curlingly great? How about the second round, when you notice that the stuff you were introduced to is now just being tweaked into variations? It’s still good—probably much better than whatever else is around, but that thrill of the new is seeping out. Next comes volume three, by which time the vitality is seriously compromised. Either the wheels start spinning, or after a sophomore slump, they progress in an undesirable direction. What was once novel turns contemptuously familiar and whether it’s the fall from lofty heights or actual mediocrity, that thing you loved isn’t all that great anymore.

So it went with Empowered Volume Three, which I probably should have reviewed when I read it last year. Somewhat put out by the seriousness and longer form stories of the second volume, I thumbed through this one when I first got it in early 2008, maybe read a story or two, but couldn’t commit once the sprawling began. You see, I loved the first volume because it was fun, genuinely funny, and compelled you to keep reading one very short story after another. Even there, drama and excess length crept in toward the end, as writer/artist Adam Warren had burned through previously crafted material and opened up the narrative. It’s so much harder to write tight, entertaining bits than to delve into the mythology, or whatever they’re calling Stan Lee’s old con of stretching out stories to fill pages these days.

The longest thread of the book revolves around Ninjette’s former clan finally catching up with her (sorta.) Warren eventually makes a point of mentioning all the nihilistic books he’s written where scads of major characters got iced in nasty business like that found here. My issue is that it mostly served to point out how similar a book like Empowered, which at one time would have been quite daring, is to current bloodthirsty DC Comics fare. Either you’re going to do the deed, which means snuffing a likable character that hasn’t reached their full potential, or you won’t, wasting as much time as an over-hyped crossover book. Empowered is best in its more intimate moments dealing with human frailties, not wasting page after page on silent action.

Much of this edition feels like noodling. There's too many stories about mundane events, puttering subplots, and revisited subjects. I also get the feeling some of these stories were commissioned, as there's a ridiculous amount of bondage fetish bullshit this round. The Superhomeys are generally background players this time. The Caged Demonwolf has officially jumped the shark here, going from a draw to an irritant. Warren also succumbs to the dreaded stylistic experimentation, doing a terrible riff on the Frank Miller Sin City chiaroscuro style entirely too many people shat out in the early '90s. Damn near three-quarters of the book reads like total filler. The best story revolves around an origin sequence for Thugboy, continuing a strong if pitch black strand from the previous edition. Otherwise, this edition was a misstep and a disappointment.

nurghophonic jukebox: "Ain't She Sweet" by Gene Austin

Written By: Milton Ager and Jack Yellen
Released: 1927
Album: Ain't She Sweet
Single?: Yes, and is now a much covered hit standard.

Anecdote: Just one from my pappy's vault o' music. Ager wrote the song for his daughter, who grew up to become the 60 Minutes "Point-Counterpoint" liberal commentator Shana Alexander.



Lyrics:

Oh ain't she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she sweet?

Oh ain't she nice,
Well look her over once or twice.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she nice?

Just cast an eye
In her direction.
Oh me oh my,
Ain't that perfection?

Oh I repeat
Well don't you think that's kind of neat?
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she sweet?

Oh ain't she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she sweet?

Oh ain't that nice,
Well look it over once or twice.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she nice?

Just cast an eye
In her direction.
Oh me oh my,
Ain't that perfection?

Oh I repeat
Well don't you think that's kind of neat?
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she sweet?

Oh ain't she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she sweet?
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain't she sweet?

A Frank Review of "[●REC]" (2007)

The Short Version? 27 Days Earlier... in an isolated building... zombies attack.
What Is It? Survival Horror.
Who Is In It? Spaniards
Should I See It? Yes.



The better modern zombie movies have two things in common: fast monsters and exhilarating first quarters. Dawn of the Dead offered its opening ten minutes online, making it one of the most badass trailers of all time, because who didn’t crave more after that? Of course, the movie couldn’t sustain that momentum, and most of the characters, once properly introduced, proved rather unlikable. Regardless, it was still good stuff, and sustained the heat zombies had picked a few years prior.

[rec], on the other hand, is like extending that prologue to full length (though not quite feature length, coming in at just over one-and-a-quarter hours.) It’s about a television crew working on a puff piece finding themselves trapped in an apartment building with a deeply unhealthy element. After a deliberate build, mayhem erupts that runs through the end of the picture. The cast is made up of unknowns who speak in brief bursts of dialogue, and you really don’t get to know anyone. There’s a cute, toothy reporter that’s a bit more polished than the rest, and though clearly ambitious and somewhat opportunistic, she never beats the audience over the head with her character flaws. The true point of view character is the cameraman Pablo, through whose lens the viewer sees the proceedings, essentially turning the film into a virtual first person experience. That makes for a harrowing trip, as finding oneself in the path of mindless humans moving with the speed and ferocity of the rage carriers in 28 Days Later will twist your panties up tight.

It’s typically a backhanded compliment to refer to a film in “thrill ride” terms, but in the most glowing sense, [REC] is just that. When The Blair Witch Project was being ridiculously over-hyped, this was the movie everyone was expecting to see. [REC] is easily one of the finest straight horror movies of the past few decades, and will likely earn a place on a great many "all time greatest" lists. See it in the dark with someone you trust...

Extras?

• REC: Making ofA fast paced documentary running a bit under 19 minutes gives you all the information you need about the production, from the actors not knowing what they were in store for due to having scripts withheld until the start of each chronological shot day, to real time takes lasting twenty minutes and from the ground to the roof. All killer, no filler.
• Previews Not as bad as you might think for something like a dozen b-grade horror trailers, including the U.S. remake of this flick

The Top Ten Steel Covers (John Henry Irons Edition)

John Henry Irons was introduced during the bestselling "Reign of the Supermen" epic. In and of itself, that was enough to make the character just about the most highly visible hero of color in DC Comics history. Unfortunately, he was then written as such-- the good negro Tom Robinson of the lily white Superman Family. Steel was branded with an S-Shield, given his own terrible token series, and was dutifully included in all crossovers for years thereafter. The salvation of the character came in the strength of his original concept as a working class armored hero, his glorious design, and a late term creative team change that redeemed the Steel series with just over a year's worth of compelling stories.

After his series' cancellation, John Henry Irons became a co-star/regular supporting character in Superman: The Man of Steel, which emphasized his engineering genius. Steel's presence was also a highlight of the Morrison/Porter JLA's second half, especially his infamous conversion of the Watchtower headquarters into a virtual armor, prompting the hilarious declaration "I am now wearing this building!" Unfortunately, Irons "retired" as a super-hero around the time The Man of Steel was canceled and the JLA pared down. This left Irons and his one consistent supporting character, precocious niece Natasha, to drift through one title after another.

Attempts to employ the Irons pair in recent years have left much to be desired. Natasha made use of her own Steel armor for a time, then acquired super powers from Lex Luthor, prompting the involvement of John Henry in an inevitable confrontation. The pair were part of the painfully misguided Infinity, Inc. reboot, and Steel once again played substitute Superman during the World of New Krypton hubbub. The essential appeal, and perhaps even a basic understand of the Steel premise, continues to elude writers. The further out the world gets from "Reign of the Superman," the less likely it seems Steel will ever fully come into his own, and I find that a terrible shame.

10) Superman: The Man of Steel #117 (October, 2001)

I was really up-in-arms about the apparent death of Steel, but he returned in the same storyline. However he was briefly burdened with an excessively powerful new armor built by Darkseid out of an Imperiex shell. I think it was called the Entropy Aegis, and I know it totally missed the point of John Henry Irons, but the cover was cool.

9) Steel #41 (August, 1997)

Racially charged much?

8) 52 #8 (June 28,2006)

I love a good propaganda poster!

7) Steel #34 (January, 1997)

After three years of increasingly bad stories and art, DC finally began to treat Steel as more than crossover fodder before the release of his motion picture. Unfortunately, from what I've heard, the movie was about as bad as the comic had been. It's a shame, because DC's premier black super-hero finally began to be shepherded by actual black creators, with writer Christopher Priest turning in probably the best scripts of his distinguished career.

6) Superman: The Man of Steel #26 (October, 1993)

Not recognizing the full implications of the moniker, I declared "Iron John" my favorite of the Supermen, and the most likely to embody the soul of the Man of Steel. If any of the Supermen could stand beside "the real steel deal," it was John Henry. Plus, no one ever drew Steel quite as well as co-creator Jon Bogdanove.

5) Steel #45 (December, 1997)

Into a comics world where it was often up to the colorist to assign race, Steel was undeniably a black man, even when covered head to toe in armor.

4) Steel #23 (January, 1996)

This was such a powerful image that the forgettable story within is doubly disappointing.

3) Steel #3 (April, 1994)

Friggin' awesome perspective! You're going to be eating that hammer if you don't move out of his way.

2) Steel #37 (April, 1997)

This one is quite literally iconic, with most of the image consisting of silhouettes and high contrast head shots. I love how the DC bullet has been turned into another gear in Steel's (or is it Dr. Villain's?) machine.

1) Superman: The Man of Steel #22 (June, 1993)


This one is a bit of a cheat, as there's technically three covers (regular, deluxe exterior, and deluxe interior.) Regardless, they're all cool, and this is the first full Steel story, which made me an instant fan.

Honorable Mentions:
52 #14 What's with all the black male heroes being stripped down to bare chests?
Action Comics #807 (The Natasha bot gets a lovely cover.)
Hardware #17 (Similar concepts with wildly divergent characterizations played off one another.)
Steel #1 (Too static to rate inclusion.)

The Top 10 Captain Comet Covers

My interest in Captain Comet started out as youthful curiosity regarding comics' original heroic mutant, the first post-Golden Age super-hero, and the only long underwear type openly active in the 1950s. From his modern age appearances, I came to know him as a lovable old school stiff, and dug that he was an obscurity brought back in the '70s to battle the Secret Society of Super-Villains from within. Only recently did I decide to finally take the plunge and try collecting his solo adventures, only to discover some seriously obvious gay subtext running throughout his early career. So, not only will this cover gallery represent what I feel are the character's best frontpieces, but also an opportunity to make lewd jokes and promote the queer agenda. Who's up for a trip to Uranus?

10) Strange Adventures #40 (January, 1954)


Shrinking and going bald! Every man's nightmare!

9) Strange Adventures #27 (December, 1952)


Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with himself, Captain Comet anticipates his aughts reboot. Plus, the two faces of Blake argue over whom the cop in the tight pants with the provocatively posed rifle will fire upon, until the piece officer chooses to blast them both. Up against the wall, pervps!

8) DC Special Series #6 (November, 1977)


The Man of Destiny presents his ass to the entire Justice League of America and the Secret Society of Super-Villains, exclaiming that he could be struck anytime and anywhere! En garde!

7) Mystery In Space #7 (May, 2007)


A proportionately childlike Adam Blake turns his back to the viewer while walking toward the crotch of a deviant alien priest, whose arms are outstretched in an ecstatically welcoming posture. Hail Mary!

6) L.E.G.I.O.N. #44 (August, 1992)


A vibrant Kevin Maguire cover that for once showcases Comet's mental powers. What?

5) Strange Adventures #17 (February, 1952)


Gil Kane drawing man-made-men rising up from puddles of seminal goo? Not only does this cover look great, but the only way it could play up the queer subtext of the series any more would be if Comet were pushing the girl "out of harm's way."

4) Mystery In Space #1 (November, 2006)


Adam Blake casts off his wrinkled old man flesh for a tight young body and a nice big phallic symbol. Note the streaking star seed and the smoke drifting out out of old Blake's crotch, as though he just ejaculated his new self.

3) Strange Adventures #33 (June, 1953)


Pink skies? Bondage? Miniature humans working out of a yellow hive pocked with entry points? Evil mocking giant sentient bug gently stroking Captain Comet's arm? This cover is what would happen if Freud and Kafka had a love child.

2) Strange Adventures #39 (December, 1953)


Gorilla covers are a monkey's paw full of win anyway, but Blake as the prosecuting attorney arguing to send Coco to death row? That's the face of awesome.

1) Strange Adventures #9 (June, 1951)


This image doesn't make a lot of character sense, because it isn't like Adam Blake was some dapper chap thrust into the role of spaceman. However, it is the first Captain Comet cover upon his original appearance, and striking besides. Also: Metrosexuality.

Honorable Mentions:
Mystery In Space #6 (Comet fighting his way out of an enormous flesh-eating space penis.)
Strange Adventures #10 (Captain Comet ignores hot space chick in a mini-skirt to focus on giant nude infantilized alien.
Mystery In Space #2 (Adam Blake is a wanted man!)
Secret Society of Super-Villains #10 (Getting beat-up by Grodd, Star Sapphire and the Wizard.)
Strange Adventures #35 (Chess board action!)
DC Comics Presents #22 (Captain Comet is out of control, and shoots himself at Superman!)
Secret Society of Super-Villains #2 (In another example of working through sexual frustration, Captain Comet decks that paragon of heterosexuality, Hal "Green Lamtern" Jordan.)