nurgh's Worst. Songs. Ever. #1: One Sided Love by Mandy Moore

It's been ages since I returned to "nurgh's Greatest Songs of Our Time," always intended to be a monthly feature. I've also neglected music-related posts in general, but I like to really take my time researching songs that fill me with joy. On the other hand, it occurs to me that there's a lot of wretched shit out there I could mock at the drop of a hat, so why not lay a steamer on you instead?

Of the teenybopper/jailbait trend of the late '90s/early oughts, I always felt the worst for Mandy Moore. See, Britney had the best production, Xtina had the best voice, and Jessica the most popular body. Avril had the anti-Britney (except in I.Q.) crowd sewn up, while Hillary Duff became the poster child for asexual purity and wholesome values. Then there's poor Mandy, whose overwrought production fails to hide her middling vocals and lyrics as poetic as any found in your average schoolgirl's Hello Kitty diary. She admits to having sex, but doesn't flaunt it, and her transition into film has been neither stellar nor embarrassing (save American Dreamz.) However, she also seems the be the most well-adjusted, genuine, and (Heaven help them) intelligent of the lot. I've been listening to her eponymous album, and it's pretty solid, if painfully redundant in theme and sound. One song does stand out in its painful mangling, prompting me to remind singers that, for their own sakes, at least don't screw up the chorus. Lavigne, a shoo-in for future Worst. Song. Ever. entries, is at least savvy enough to pull off reasonable sing-along choruses. Sampling good choruses has made the careers of otherwise entirely untalented rap artists. Mandy, learn from your *sigh* betters...



I know you're tried your best
But that's not good enough for me
Understand, nevertheless
Love's gotta go both ways

Well you push me to the left
Then you push me to the right
But you gotta meet me in the middle
If you wanna make this right

But you gotta believe....
So here it is, here it is, baby here it is....

I wanna help you out, tell you what it's all about
What I feel, what I need, how's it gonna be
So what you wanna do, what you really wanna do
'Cause I've decided everything i want from you

One sided love
Is never gonna work
So let me tell you something
That' I'm sure you've never heard of
Tender love and care
In case you're unaware
So I tell you what
Let me tell you where it's at
Hit me with your best shot

I'm giving you a second chance
But you gotta understand
If you don't know how to love me
I will find someone who can
So read my lips for the last time
I tell you now with no regret
if you don't get your act together
Even your name, I will forget

I wanna help you out, tell you what it's all about
What I feel, what I need, how's it gonna be
So what you wanna do, what you really wanna do
'Cause I've decided everything i want from you

One sided love
Is never gonna work
So let me tell you something
That' I'm sure you've never heard of
Tender love and care
In case you're unaware
So I tell you what
Let me tell you where it's at
Hit me with your best shot

(Best shot... best shot....)

One Sided Love.

One sided love
Is never gonna work
So let me tell you something
That' I'm sure you've never heard of
Tender love and care
In case you're unaware
So I tell you what
Let me tell you where it's at baby