Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Emanuelle in America Theme (Instrumental Version)
NOT SAFE FOR WORK -- NUDITY
Includes credit sequence and other scenes from the film, accompanied by the music of Nico Fidinco... and full frontal.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
DC Challenge #6 (April, 1986)
- On his deathbed in 1955, Albert Einstein solved "der great mystery! Der concept of der Unified Field. I am now unbound by der reschtraints of time!" This gave Einstein extraordinary power over reality, but unfortunately, he seemed unable to correct his terrible accented dialogue.
- On the planet Rann, Batman and Hawkwoman wondered after Captain Marvel and Dr. Fate, even though the first pair's even knowing the second pair were on Rann was a bit of a stretch. Alanna was proactive, while her father Sardath became a real Negative Nelly. Batman, like the author, never clarified after repeated references that "Fate" referred to the Doctor, then stumbled into a warp hole. Hawkwoman went looking for Fate, Marvel, or at least her husband. The evil aliens in the distance were set on shooting her out of the sky.
- Around 6th Century England, the writer confused the Greystone Castle where Sir Edwin Kent once ruled with the family name of "Young Brian, son of our late lord, Grayson the Just..." Also, the writer confused "Greystone" with "Grayson." Anyway, Brian was finally being crowned king, at which point he intended to reveal that he'd secretly been the Silent Knight for years to his people... except Einsten wasn't having that...
- In the Plane of Holes, Deadman failed to possess the Anti-Matter Man. Albert Einstein then froze time, explained his new powers to Adam Strange and Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen, then assumed the role of deus ex machina in a bid by a really lousy writer to cheat the entire series into a premature wrap-up.
- Rip Hunter, Time Master, was showing his Time Sphere to a Dr. Kemeny as Princeton University in hopes of legitimizing his remarkable invention. However, the pair passed through a warp hole while on a temporal spin.
- Einstein brought Batman to the Plane of Holes "to make sure I could properly coordinate between planets dat are light-years distant!" Pull the other one.
- Einstein directed the temporally displaced Rip Hunter to don the Shining Knight's armor and assume the role. Rip did, and when he and Kemeny appeared at King Brian's coronation, the new lord thought, "Apparently this magical suit of armor that gave me great power and taught me the proper use of weaponry... has chosen a new master! Well, good luck to him, whoever he is!" Either the writer was trying to sneakily allude to problems with Einstein mucking about with time, or he'd never read a Shining Knight comic in his life, since the character's armor was neither magical nor responsible for Brian's abilities.
Regardless, the terrible writer then had Hunter and Kemeny stay in the past for several years, during which they did not age, and acted as mostly-mute heroes. The pair spent the rest of their medieval holiday trying to fix the Time Sphere. Instead, Einstein eventually returned, and sent them to kill the minor demon S'thulum, who had previously tried to eat Captain Marvel and Dr. Fate. As Kemeny cautioned, "be very careful-- never to underestimate an experienced dragon-slayer!"
Hawkwoman, Alanna and Sardath raced to the scene, even though the other heroes shouldn't have been on Rann anymore after being taken to S'thulum's realm. The writer, whose work I've always hated, concluded that he had ended "after years of training, the suspension of time, and the solution of the Unified Field Theory-- the longest-resolved cliff-hanger in human history!" Um, did the guy who wrote many of the lousy Superman stories that led to the Byrne reboot mean "unresolved?" - Darwin Jones, Deadman, Bobo the Detective Chimp and Dr. Terrence Thirteen, Ghostbreaker were present for Albert Einstein's fixing of all the unresolved plot points in the series to date by shoving them into warp holes. Goodbye Uncle Sam, Aquaman, Zatanna, Superman, Captain Comet, invading aliens and all the rest!
- One problem: an alien spaceship beat the Blackhawks back to World War II. Because "I cannot change a time und a place vhen I vas alife," Einstein bailed on Adam Strange and Jimmy Olsen. This left the pair stranded in a present world dominated by the Nazi Germany.
- For no discernable reason, Einstein left Batman in a jungle, where negro savages attacked the Darknight Detectives with spears. Oy. Robin the Boy Wonder showed up on a Whirly-Bat to pick his mentor up, but turned out to be a demon in disguise, and dropped the Caped Crusader into an active volcano.
- "A Matter of Anti Matter" was perpetrated by Elliot S! Maggin, Dan Jurgens and Larry Mahlstedt
Monday, April 27, 2009
A Frank Review of The Monster Squad (1987)
The Short Version? Goonies versus Universal Monsters
What Is It? Horror Comedy.
Who Is In It? Nobody.
Should I See It? Absolutely.
One day, my father had me ride along on his route stocking movie theater concessions. While he was doing his job, I'd sneak into screenings of two movies, The Untouchables and The Monster Squad*. In the case of the former, I wouldn't finally get to see the end of the picture for several years. The latter I managed to wrap up, and though I enjoyed it, there was no reason for it to linger in my consciousness. I'd revisit it on video from time to time, and while always a pleasure, I never really considered it a favorite. The thing is though, I revisit a lot of movies I grew up on, and The Monster Squad continues to hold up far better than most. It really is an excellent, almost timeless, and sort of family friendly classic.
I'm required to issue caveats, because part of what makes the picture such a joy is that it has nards. The kids act like they actually should at their ages: talking shit, tossing through nudie mags and such. The Holocaust is referenced. Parents don't exactly live in marital bliss. The services of a teenage girl are extorted through a compromising photograph. The monsters can get gruesome at times, and these kids are genuinely imperiled by them. People die, often at the hands of children. It's an awesome boys movie, with enough heart for girls, and truth for adults. Even with a budget of just 12.5 million, this died at the box office, as it was considered too dark for younger audiences. It failed to find its niche until video, and even then it didn't exactly do gangbusters. Clearly, the flick isn't for everybody, but certainly deserves a lot more attention than it received for twenty years.
After Dracula arrives in Middle America, he begins collecting the Wolfman, Gillman, Mummy and Frankenstein as part of a plot that will cause darkness to spread over the yadda yadda. A club of monster-fixated kids led by the steadfast Sean Crenshaw (in a solid turn by André Gower) are the first to learn of the creatures on the loose, and take steps to stop their rampage. The young cast hits all the right notes, the monsters are terrific, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans will find this all terribly familar in tone and presentation. If Joss Whedon wasn't a big fan of this flick, I'll eat my hat.
There are a number of connections between The Monster Squad and Lethal Weapon. Co-screenwriter Shane Black was clearly honing his buddy cop banter formula here, particularly between Sean's detective father and his partner. Sean's mother is played by Mary Ellen Trainor, LW's staff psychiatrist, and her house is located near the same set as the Murtaughs. One wouldn't naturally expect a supposed kid's picture to feel similar to a violent action franchise, but the flavor works even better on an actual juvenile vehicle than a somewhat sophomoric one. Also, comic book fans are given a good deal of winks, including the 1986 DC Wall Calender, an old Spider-Man poster, and a Mike Zeck Punisher visible. A copy of George Perez's Wonder Woman #3 is ripped up by the older brother from The Wonder Years. On the paid advertising front, Pepsi Cola is also all over this picture.
There are some problems, caused in part by tensions between inexperienced co-writer/director Fred Dekker and micromanaging executive producer Peter Hyams. Some of the effects are dodgy, and not everything will be explained to the satisfaction of the obsessive, but most viewers will just go along with it. Generally speaking, this is manna from Geek Heaven, and a fine time for their too often afflicted loved ones.
The two-disc 20th Anniversary Edition comes with a slew of extras. The feature length documentary Monster Squad Forever is a must see, featuring interviews with most of the surviving cast and key crew. Too much of the same information is covered by a group audio commentary, but a second track with just the director and DP warrants a listen from the devoted. Most of the deleted scenes were excised for a reason, though, and A Conversation With Frankenstein is tedious. The full package can usually be picked up for less than ten buck though, so I'd recommend it highly.
*I'm trying to figure out exactly how, as the movies were released about nine weeks apart. I guess DePalma played long.
What Is It? Horror Comedy.
Who Is In It? Nobody.
Should I See It? Absolutely.
One day, my father had me ride along on his route stocking movie theater concessions. While he was doing his job, I'd sneak into screenings of two movies, The Untouchables and The Monster Squad*. In the case of the former, I wouldn't finally get to see the end of the picture for several years. The latter I managed to wrap up, and though I enjoyed it, there was no reason for it to linger in my consciousness. I'd revisit it on video from time to time, and while always a pleasure, I never really considered it a favorite. The thing is though, I revisit a lot of movies I grew up on, and The Monster Squad continues to hold up far better than most. It really is an excellent, almost timeless, and sort of family friendly classic.
I'm required to issue caveats, because part of what makes the picture such a joy is that it has nards. The kids act like they actually should at their ages: talking shit, tossing through nudie mags and such. The Holocaust is referenced. Parents don't exactly live in marital bliss. The services of a teenage girl are extorted through a compromising photograph. The monsters can get gruesome at times, and these kids are genuinely imperiled by them. People die, often at the hands of children. It's an awesome boys movie, with enough heart for girls, and truth for adults. Even with a budget of just 12.5 million, this died at the box office, as it was considered too dark for younger audiences. It failed to find its niche until video, and even then it didn't exactly do gangbusters. Clearly, the flick isn't for everybody, but certainly deserves a lot more attention than it received for twenty years.
After Dracula arrives in Middle America, he begins collecting the Wolfman, Gillman, Mummy and Frankenstein as part of a plot that will cause darkness to spread over the yadda yadda. A club of monster-fixated kids led by the steadfast Sean Crenshaw (in a solid turn by André Gower) are the first to learn of the creatures on the loose, and take steps to stop their rampage. The young cast hits all the right notes, the monsters are terrific, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans will find this all terribly familar in tone and presentation. If Joss Whedon wasn't a big fan of this flick, I'll eat my hat.
There are a number of connections between The Monster Squad and Lethal Weapon. Co-screenwriter Shane Black was clearly honing his buddy cop banter formula here, particularly between Sean's detective father and his partner. Sean's mother is played by Mary Ellen Trainor, LW's staff psychiatrist, and her house is located near the same set as the Murtaughs. One wouldn't naturally expect a supposed kid's picture to feel similar to a violent action franchise, but the flavor works even better on an actual juvenile vehicle than a somewhat sophomoric one. Also, comic book fans are given a good deal of winks, including the 1986 DC Wall Calender, an old Spider-Man poster, and a Mike Zeck Punisher visible. A copy of George Perez's Wonder Woman #3 is ripped up by the older brother from The Wonder Years. On the paid advertising front, Pepsi Cola is also all over this picture.
There are some problems, caused in part by tensions between inexperienced co-writer/director Fred Dekker and micromanaging executive producer Peter Hyams. Some of the effects are dodgy, and not everything will be explained to the satisfaction of the obsessive, but most viewers will just go along with it. Generally speaking, this is manna from Geek Heaven, and a fine time for their too often afflicted loved ones.
The two-disc 20th Anniversary Edition comes with a slew of extras. The feature length documentary Monster Squad Forever is a must see, featuring interviews with most of the surviving cast and key crew. Too much of the same information is covered by a group audio commentary, but a second track with just the director and DP warrants a listen from the devoted. Most of the deleted scenes were excised for a reason, though, and A Conversation With Frankenstein is tedious. The full package can usually be picked up for less than ten buck though, so I'd recommend it highly.
*I'm trying to figure out exactly how, as the movies were released about nine weeks apart. I guess DePalma played long.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
nurghophonic jukebox: "Bernadette" by The Four Tops
Written By: Lamont Dozier/Brian Holland/Edward Holland, Jr..
Released: 1967
Album: Reach Out
Single?: #4 on the Billboard Hot 100
Bernadette, people are searchin' for
the kind of love that we possess.
Some go on searchin' their whole life through
and never find the love I've found in you.
And when I speak of you I see envy in other men's eyes,
and I'm well aware of what's on their minds.
They pretend to be my friend, when all the time
they long to persuade you from my side.
They'd give the world and all they own
for just one moment we have known.
Bernadette, they want you because of the pride that gives,
But Bernadette, I want you because I need you to live.
But while I live only to hold you,
Some other men, they long to control you.
But how can they control you Bernadette,
when they can not control themselves, Bernadette,
from wanting you, needing you,
But darling you belong to me.
I'll tell the world you belong to me,
I'll tell the world, you're the soul of me,
I'll tell the world you're a part of me.
In your arms I find the kind of peace of mind
the world is searching for,
But you, you give me the joy this heart of mine
has always been longing for.
In you I have what other men long for.
All men need someone to worship and adore,
that's why I treasure you and place you high above,
for the only joy in life is to be loved.
So whatever you do, Bernadette, keep on loving me,
Bernadette, keep on needing me,
Bernadette.
Released: 1967
Album: Reach Out
Single?: #4 on the Billboard Hot 100
Bernadette, people are searchin' for
the kind of love that we possess.
Some go on searchin' their whole life through
and never find the love I've found in you.
And when I speak of you I see envy in other men's eyes,
and I'm well aware of what's on their minds.
They pretend to be my friend, when all the time
they long to persuade you from my side.
They'd give the world and all they own
for just one moment we have known.
Bernadette, they want you because of the pride that gives,
But Bernadette, I want you because I need you to live.
But while I live only to hold you,
Some other men, they long to control you.
But how can they control you Bernadette,
when they can not control themselves, Bernadette,
from wanting you, needing you,
But darling you belong to me.
I'll tell the world you belong to me,
I'll tell the world, you're the soul of me,
I'll tell the world you're a part of me.
In your arms I find the kind of peace of mind
the world is searching for,
But you, you give me the joy this heart of mine
has always been longing for.
In you I have what other men long for.
All men need someone to worship and adore,
that's why I treasure you and place you high above,
for the only joy in life is to be loved.
So whatever you do, Bernadette, keep on loving me,
Bernadette, keep on needing me,
Bernadette.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A Frank Review of "Farinelli: Il Castrato" (1994)
The Short Version? Amadeus with less ejaculation
What Is It? Musical Drama.
Who Is In It? Europeans.
Should I See It? No.
If you're a lover of opera, especially through the voice of the soprano, have I got a movie for you! If, like myself, you hate the stuff, have I got a new method or torture for you!
The film opens with a castrato leaping nude from a balcony to his death. Young Carlo Broschi was in attendance, and wishes afterward to never sing again. However, his father makes him swear an oath to his family, and a horse riding accident soon takes care of Carlo's man parts, so the great 18th century soprano was born. From there, Carlo preens, acts as warm-up in double teams on fans with his composer brother, takes opium, and sings. Lots and lots of obviously lip synced singing, delivered from the painted and pained but entirely too chiseled face of Stefano Dionisi. Regardless of his circumstances, Farinelli is himself an impressive prick throughout, but at least in most rock god biopics you're treated to more generally agreeable music.
A rivalry with the composer George Frideric Handel is established early on, but doesn't pay off until the final reel. In the meantime, the movie drifts through moments and musical numbers without much rhyme, reason, or detail. The characters as scripted and acted are one note, the real attention devoted to sets and costumes. It put me in mind of how much more I'd enjoy a movie about the New Romantics. By the time revelations and motivations finally surface, they're drowned in a sea of melodrama and histrionics, far too late to redeem the film.
What Is It? Musical Drama.
Who Is In It? Europeans.
Should I See It? No.
If you're a lover of opera, especially through the voice of the soprano, have I got a movie for you! If, like myself, you hate the stuff, have I got a new method or torture for you!
The film opens with a castrato leaping nude from a balcony to his death. Young Carlo Broschi was in attendance, and wishes afterward to never sing again. However, his father makes him swear an oath to his family, and a horse riding accident soon takes care of Carlo's man parts, so the great 18th century soprano was born. From there, Carlo preens, acts as warm-up in double teams on fans with his composer brother, takes opium, and sings. Lots and lots of obviously lip synced singing, delivered from the painted and pained but entirely too chiseled face of Stefano Dionisi. Regardless of his circumstances, Farinelli is himself an impressive prick throughout, but at least in most rock god biopics you're treated to more generally agreeable music.
A rivalry with the composer George Frideric Handel is established early on, but doesn't pay off until the final reel. In the meantime, the movie drifts through moments and musical numbers without much rhyme, reason, or detail. The characters as scripted and acted are one note, the real attention devoted to sets and costumes. It put me in mind of how much more I'd enjoy a movie about the New Romantics. By the time revelations and motivations finally surface, they're drowned in a sea of melodrama and histrionics, far too late to redeem the film.
Friday, April 24, 2009
1992 Amazing Heroes #202 Jim Lee Sketch
From the June 1992 Amazing Heroes' table of contents comes this nifty image. He looks a bit like a cross between Deathblow and Lobo, and I like to call him Blackspade-C3: Clandestine Creed Commando! No offense intended, though come to think of it, the race here is indeterminate. This guy really intrigued me near twenty years ago. Now, he makes me want to hang myself. Oh, elusive youth! Such wasted years! Why doesn't my ass look anything like Blackspade-C3's anymore?!? Do those weighted boots give him a butt advantage?
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