Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Top Five F'd-Up Movies of the Moment

Between Netflix halfway getting its shit together and a sudden urge this week, I got to get my cinephile on. I received "Singapore Sling" in the mail, which allows me to produce an impromptu list of my most fucked-up viewing experiences off the top of my head. Do note that this list is subject to change, and beware of spoilers-o-plenty...

5) Cannibal Holocaust: The original "Blair Witch Project," which was so compelling in its pseudo-documentary style that Italian officials tried to have the director arrested for murder. While that charge was meritless, actual animal cruelty does come into play. A swine appears to be shot dead on screen, a possum painfully gutted, and a giant turtle is decapitated and disemboweled. Several women are "raped," one with a stake-- which is later used to beat her to death, just another of many "murders." A woman is subjected to an involuntary abortion, men have their penises severed, and all manner of body parts are treated as cuisine. In spite of all this, the film is curiously low-key and oddly smug.


4) Singapore Sling: A quasi-sequel to the noir classic "Laura," but despite being filmed in black & white, no one could ever confused this with classic cinema. We've got "erotic" electroshock treatments, seemingly legitimate sexualized regurgitation, faked golden shower/g-spot orgasm, incest, extensive bondage, torture, role-playing, necrophilia, and grievous injury to the private parts via hunting knife as phallus. I still can't tell if the acting was atrocious or pitch perfect for the material. If any of the above appeals to you, you're a twisted shell of a human being like me, so I heartily recommend this freak show.


3) Bumfight: What's more appalling than bribing substance abusing, mentally handicapped derelicts to beat up on each other until bones break? How about also bribing them to have sex with each other, injure themselves, and expel all manner of bodily substances (blood, piss, shit, vomit, & cum inclusive.) Still not enough? How about we then dress some asshole up as the Crocodile Hunter and have him assault unsuspecting indigents? Still not enough? Then how about you fucking kill yourself, you soulless lump of shit. These are real people, you prick!

WARNING! NOT SAFE FOR WORK! CONTAINS NUDITY, REAL VIOLENCE, COARSE LANGUAGE, and the potential to destroy your faith in humanity!

2) Visitor Q: When a movie opens with a Japanese man bribing his daughter for sex on videotape, you know it's all downhill from there. By that, I mean in terms of successive depths of depravity. Takashi Miike's films alone could fill up a list like this (I'm sure "Ichi the Killer" and "Audition" would make my top 10,) but none can quite compare with what happens when David Lynch gets processed through the minds of the nation that brought us tentacle rape porn and soiled schoolgirl panties in vending machines. Most of the atrocities previously mentioned make a showing here, with the added fun of illogical narrative and gallons of lactate.


1) Happiness: While in no way as graphic or shocking as the previous entries, Todd Solondz's masterpiece is heinous because of its quality. The movie is filled with characters to empathize with, as they are subjected to an endless stream of emotional brutality. The acting, writing, and direction are uniformly superb, which might explain why it remains one of my favorite movies, even though I'm very selective about who I will share it with.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK! Also contains um and uh...

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